The Pain within
by Akikofuma
Summary: Severus Snape, in his 6th year, again tries to commit suicid. He is found by the famous Griffendore Sirius Black, and soon their rather difficult relationship takes a real turn. Soon, both of them find themself in a twistend up love affair.
1. Chapter 1

1

Well hi there This is my first Harry Potter fanfiction, and to be honest my first english one to xD go easy on me okay? I hope you like it. Enjoy.

Slowly, a tall and thin boy sunk to the floor of the Library. In his hand he had a knife, covered in blood. A bitter grin appeared on the Face of the pale boy. His Blood quickly dripped from the big wound on his left arm, draining the life from his body.

Severus couldn't help laughing. He didn't know why. It all seemed so funny. He was sitting here alone, bleeding to death. And it was exactly what he wanted to do. He didn't want to live anymore.

He was so sick of it… everywhere he went, he was picked on, hated, and abused without a reason. Only because he existed. His life had pretty much been hell up till now.

At home, his father had beaten him up on regular bases, just like his mother. There was barley ever enough food for all of them, so his Mother had always given Severus her food. She died from a lung infection when he was 10, due to the weakness of her body. She hadn't even lasted 2 days.

After that, his father had gotten even worse. He got drunk every day, beating the black-haired boy whenever it was possible, once almost to death.

It was only until the first summer vacation after first year that Dumbledore had found out about this. He had found Severus lying on the floor, covered in blood and sperm, his dead father lying next to him.

The 12-year old boy had killed his father with his own gun, after he had beaten and raped him. Since then, Dumbledore had been like a father to the Slytherin. After that hell was over, Severus thought everything would be okay. But he soon found that he was wrong.

As he returned, a group of Griffendore's started tormenting him whenever they could. Especially James Potter and Sirius Black had made his life miserable. Always picking on him, always humiliating him in front of everybody… but know, it was over. He would never, ever have to put up with his again.

He started to feel dizzy, still smiling. Finally he was going to be free. In the darkest corner of the library he was going to die. He was slowly loosing the ability to hear and to grasp what was around him, as he heard a voice.

"It's all the way back there Sirius! Please go get it for me." It was probably a girl's voice, Severus thought. It was soft and soothing… Yes, it had to be Lily's voice…

"Yeah, I'll get it." that was definitely the voice of that stupid flee bag, Sirius Black. Severus chuckled. How would that filthy dog feel, when he heard of his death? The Slytherin couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. His death was close.

Suddenly, he could hear something fall down, right next to him.

"Snivellus?" Snape flinched. How he hated that name. But soon, he wouldn't have to hear it anymore. "

By Merlin… Lily!! Quick, get Madame Pomfrey!" Sirius screamed, kneeling next to the bleeding boy.

"What's wrong Sirius?" Lily seemed to come closer, her voice getting louder. "Oh God Severus!" she sounded breathless.

Severus just smiled and said "Sorry Lily… I… didn't mean to call you a… mud blood. I was angry, nothing more…" his eyes fell shut, his chest rising and sinking more flatly.

"Quick Lily! Go get Pomfrey!"

Snape could hear the rustling of clothes and then he felt someone gripping his wounded hand softly, holding it up. Sirius was probably trying to stop the bleeding.

Snape couldn't see the Griffendore, but he could imagine the expression on his face.

"Let me die Black…" he whispered. "I've had enough…" But Sirius didn't let his arm go.

"Come on…" Snape's voice was broken, and tired. "No one would like to see me dead more than you… You want it just as much as I do…"

" NO!" Sirius snapped, his voice shrill with Panic. "I won't let you die! So shut up, and stay alive!" Severus mumbled

"I don't want to…" and then, it all went dark.

So that was it. Sorry its so short, but I hope you enjoyed it See ya around


	2. Chapter 2

1Chapter 2

hey you guy's, I'm back. This chapter is rather long, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Have fun.

When Severus woke up, he felt sick. His head was hurting, and he felt a stinging pain in his Arm. So he had survived… he sighted. Why did that stupid Black always have to show up in the most unfitting moments? The black haired boy wanted to cry.

He was such an idiot… he couldn't even kill himself. The Griffendore's had been so right with all what they said… he was useless, worthless, ugly… he carefully opened his eyes, was blinded by the light for a few seconds, before he could see sharp.

Madam Pomfrey was bent over him, softly stroking his hair. "Finally… you're up. The Headmaster will be here in a Second." he heard her walk away.

"Please don't…" he whispered. He didn't want to face the old man, didn't want to face anyone… he just wanted to fall back asleep, and never wake up again.

Suddenly he felt a weight on his legs. He forced himself to sit up, and look at whatever was laying on him. There on his lap was a black dog, quietly looking at him with big, brown eyes.

Snape glared at the dog and said "Get off me Black. Madam Pomfrey might not get that you are an unregistered Animagus, but Dumbledore will!" The dog didn't move, gave a small bark, and continued staring and the Slytherin.

"Oh whatever…" Snape didn't have the energy to argue with Sirius, and so he just laid back. Dumbledore was going to be here soon, and he would need all the energy he had to talk to the older Wizard.

Only a few minutes later the Headmaster sat at his bed, sighting. "How are you feeling my boy?" Dumbledore's voice was soft and gentle. "

Fine thank you Sir." Severus muttered. The Dog on his lap barked again. "

Ah, is this your pet Severus?" The black haired boy shook his head.

"No sir. I don't think he belongs to anyone." Snape was almost sure that Dumbledore knew who the big dog was. He had that sparkling in his eyes that showed that he could look right through him. "

Well, he seems to have taken a liking to you. So why don't you take care of him? Or maybe the other way around?" the older wizard smiled. "I think he would make a great companion for you."

Severus sighted "I don't know Professor. I don't think he would want to stay with me. I'm not a very likable person." The dog had jumped off the bed, and walked up to the Side of the bed where Snape was laying with his head. Irritated, the Slytherin looked at the dog.

The pet gave a short bark, and then licked the boy over the face.

"Yuk!" Severus looked discussed, but then he softly petted the dog's head.

"Don't say that my boy. You know it's not true." Dumbledore looked at both of them and said "Well, I think he does like you. And Christmas vacation is only a few days from now. Why don't you take him with you when you go home?"

Severus first had a surprised expression on his face, but as the dog waived his tail in agreement, he just nodded. "

Then it's settled. Well, I have to go now, but I will check on you again tomorrow."

"Wait!" Snape's eyes widened with shock. "I can't go now?" Dumbledore sighted and looked at the boy in front of him.

"No Severus, you can't. The staff and a lot of other people are very concerned about you. You will rest here, and later on… you will talk to a psychiatrist."

Severus rolled his eyes "I've already done that a Million times Professor… I don't see a point in doing it again."

Dumbledore just sighted, gently stroking the hair of the boy "You will talk to her Severus. I don't want this to happen again. And I think you've tried all non-magical ways of killing yourself now. I will not watch you die, my son. I will check on you tomorrow. Good day." and with that, he left.

Severus sighted, and closed his eyes. As he looked down, the dog was still sitting there, looking at him with that stupid loyal look that almost every dog had.

"Why did you say you wanted to stay with me? Another prank, a weird Joke maybe? Will you humiliate me even at home? Really Black, you're sick."

"It's not a Prank Sn… Snape." Sirius said, now sitting in his Human form on the side of Snape's bed. "I… I'm really sorry for…. well everything I've done to you…" he nervously played with his long, shiny black hair.

Severus had always envied the Griffendore in a way. He had the most beautiful brown eyes, and wonderful black, silky hair. Of course, Snape had black hair too, but because he barley ever washed it… Well, it didn't look that good.

There was a reason thought, that he couldn't wash it… He was scared to go inside of the Slytherin common room. Even there every one picked on him, and he couldn't even sleep there. Instead, he slept in unused classrooms, or in the library.

Sirius kept going on about how sorry he was, and Severus didn't interrupt. Even if he didn't that it was true, it felt nice hearing these words…

"Hey Snape, are you listening?" Sirius looked down on the wounded Wizard, who already had his eyes closed. "Ah to hell with it. I think you got the Idea…" he turned back into a dog, carefully laying down on Snape's legs again, and while the Slytherin rested, Sirius stayed awake and looked out for him.

About two hours later, Madame Pomfrey woke Snape, taking him to the Shower. The dog trotted after Snape, sat down before the door that lead into the washing room of the Hospital Wing. He wouldn't let anything happen to the Slytherin. Since he had seen Snape, bleeding, dying… he finally realized just how much he had hurt him. Now, to make it up, he would take care of him and protect the boy.

Severus trembled by the delight of hot water flowing down his body. Finally, he could wash himself. It took him almost an hour to feel clean, and then almost another half an hour to get ready. Now his hair was just as shiny and beautiful as Sirius' was. But Snape couldn't see this fact. All he could see was a skinny, death pale boy, with black eyes.

He sighted. He made himself want to cry. Wasn't he pathetic? He slowly walked out of the Bathroom, almost tripping over Sirius. The dog jumped up and walked by the side of the Slytherin.

"You know, you really don't have to stay with me. I'm not worth that prank." Severus said, but Sirius just barked and looked at him.

"Oh for Merlin's sake…" Snape sat down on his bed, and Sirius jumped up next to him, turning into his Human form again. "How come you don't wash your hair more often? It's really pretty." The Animagus softly touched the other boy's hair, stroking it.

Severus moved away, not looking at the other one. "Go away…" he whispered. "Please… you've hurt me enough."

Sirius sighted, and said "I'm not gonna hurt you any more okay…? Can't you just trust me?" That made Severus laugh.

"Trust you?" he could hardly speak. "The guy who made my life hell, picking on me every fucking day, even when you could clearly see that I was miserable enough? Yes, that's a good idea… why don't I just trust you?"

Sirius sighted again, looking at him with sad eyes. "Okay, I know I was an ass, but I really wanna make it up to you. So… what do I have to do to make you trust me?"

Snape just looked at him and said "You can't buy yourself trust… you have to earn it. Without me telling you how to." Snape expected that Sirius would leave now, but the other boy just nodded.

"Okay. I'll try that." Severus looked at him, honestly surprised. They didn't speak for quite a while but then Sirius said "But seriously… why don't you wash yourself every day? I mean… you have really nice hair and skin."

Severus couldn't help but blush. He wasn't in the mood for some sarcastic comment, so he just said "I would if I could but… well I… I don't go into the common room that often because… well, I just can't."

The Griffendore blinked at him and said "You can't go in? Why?" Severus didn't answer. "They pick on you in there to?" Sirius asked quietly. Severus nodded.

"Well don't worry about that any more now… I'll take care of you." Black gave him that grin. That grin that he gave everyone, that stupid, happy, gorgeous, flattering… Severus stopped himself from thinking, and sighted.

"Whatever…" Sirius now looked a little annoyed. "I'm serious! I will take care of you!" Severus started laughing. The Griffendore looked like a little child, trying to proof something to his parents or friends. Sirius looked at him somewhat shocked. Immediately, Snape felt uncomfortable. Had he done something wrong?

"You… you laughed." The Animagus looked surprised.

"Well, I am a human too you know. I am capable of showing emotions." Severus said. Somehow he… he felt hurt.

"I'm sorry I sounded so surprised." Sirius sat next to the Slytherin again. "But… well I always figured your laugh to be mean. But it really sounds nice. You should do it more often." He smiled at Snape. A dazzling, winning smile.

Severus would never get over just how beautiful Black was. Handsome wasn't the right word because it just didn't express the unique look of Sirius. He was one of a kind.

Snape felt his body growing tired again. But in just that moment a woman walked in, that he didn't know. Long red hair framed a rather pretty face, her eyes were a bright green. She looked almost like… Snape didn't want to think of the particular Person that just came into his mind. Sirius had turned into a dog quick enough for the witch not to notice that he was actually a human being.

The Woman smiled at him, and sat down on a chair she summoned out of nowhere. She smiled at him, and said

"Hi. My Name is Anna. What's yours?"

Severus looked at the Woman and asked "Are you the psychiatrist?" Anna smiled and said

"Right to the point I see. Yes, I am." Severus snorted and said

"Well then I can tell you that I don't want to talk to you. I've had 4 psychiatrists now, and I'm sick of it. There is nothing wrong with me. I'm just simple sick of life. So you could really save your valuable time and help someone who really needs it."

Anna had just opened her mouth to say something, as the dog barked at Severus, und softly nudged his hand with his wet nose.

"No, I don't want to." Snape snapped at the black dog, but the dog kept looking at him with big, begging eyes. Severus rolled his eyes, and tried to stare the dog down, but he couldn't.

"Oh whatever!" he growled and looked at the red-haired women. "Just talk, or whatever it is what you do. But I'm not gonna do any test or shit." Anna just smiled.

"So this is your dog?" she asked. "

Not really. He doesn't belong to anyone but… well he's recently started to hang around me. Don't know why."

"Does he have a name?" Anna reached out and petted the dog. "

Padfoot." he just said, and looked at the dog. The Dog barked and snuggled up against Severus, laying his head on his lap.

"He seems to really like you." she said smiling.

"Yeah well… we'll see if he still likes me tomorrow." Anna looked at him.

"Why do you think that he won't like you tomorrow?"

"Well I'm not a likable person. I'm not capable of socializing with anything or anyone. I don't think he'll like me more than a day ore two." He sighted "And I don't blame him. I'm worthless."

She sighted. "Why do you think that?" Snape hated how those people always made you talk. But… well somehow he wanted Sirius to hear all his stuff. Then he would leave him alone.

"Everyone said it. Even my dad. The only one who ever liked me was my mother. But she died, and left me alone with him."

"Is your father still alive?"

Snape shook his head "No. He died."

"How?"

"I shot him." The dog lifted his head, and looked at Snape.

"Why did you shoot him?" Snape flinched. "

He beat me. And raped me." His hand's moved into a fist, and he bit his lower lip. "On that day I had enough. I got his gun, aimed and shot him." The dog barked quietly, licked the boy's hand. Anna nodded.

"So when did you start cutting yourself?" The dog barked again, Snape had been cutting himself? Sirius thought it had only been the one time!

"Right after that. In second year I tried to drown myself in the lake. In 3rd Year I tried to hang myself. In 4th year I tried to shoot myself. In 5th I took sleeping pills, and poison at the same time. And now, 6th I tried to bleed to death." Severus laughed. "My father was so right… I can't do anything right." Padfoot growled. "

He doesn't seem to think it." Anna said. "Whatever. I'm really tired… please let me sleep." he softly pushed Padfoot off his lap, and laid down on his bed.

"I'll be back tomorrow." Anna said, smiling and then left. Severus sighted, and buried his face in his pillow. Sirius turned back into a human, and whispered

"Severus…" he took the white hand of the boy on the bed and held it tight.

"I'm so sorry." Snape just shook his head.

"It's not all you fault…"

"But some of it is. I'm really sorry. I' promise, I will take care of you."

Snape trembled. he was going to cry… he could feel the tears in his eyes. He didn't want to cry…

"How long?" he muttered. "Till your friends find out about it?" he couldn't help it. He started to sob, tears falling from his eyes, wetting his pillow.

"No! No I won't stop after they find out… don't cry. Please. Sev?" Severus felt a soft hand stroking his back.

"Don't touch me! Don't call me that! I don't want to be hurt anymore! I can't take it!" Severus almost begged Sirius. "Why couldn't you just let me die? Everything would have been okay then…"

"Don't say that! Don't ever say that again!" Sirius growled, gripping Snape and turning him around. The Griffendore looked mad, very mad.

"What do you care Black? Why are you so eager to help me all of the sudden?" Snape looked at the Boy with a mix of anger, sadness and terror.

"I don't now why okay?! Why do you always need a reason?!" Sirius let go of Snape, and tried to calm down. "I just… really wanna help you okay? Just except it."

Severus sighted, and close his eyes again. "okay…" he hadn't noticed that he was still crying. Sirius sat next to the boy again, softly brushing away his tears.

"You said you were tired. Go to sleep. I have to go now, but I will be back as soon as I can. Good night Sev." He gave the Slytherin one of his boyish grins, and waved good bye. Severus just shook his head. //This is going to be… very, very strange…// he cuddled up in his bed, closed his eyes and fell sound asleep.


	3. Chapter 3 Coming Home

1Chapter 3

"Good Day Severus." Anna smiled at him softly, and sat down next to the Slytherin.

"Hey Anna. How are you?" The black-haired boy closed his book, and looked at his psychiatrist. "Fine thank you. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Thanks." Every day it was the same. Anna and Severus greeted each other, and then would talk for an hour. Since he had been allowed to leave the Hospital Wing two weeks ago, almost everything had went back to normal.

The only thing that had really changed was that Black had stopped picking on him. He had really proved himself at least reliable, since he had held what he had promised. He had not only stopped picking on Severus, but had also started to protect him. Whenever the Slytherin needed help the Griffendore was there for him.

Thanks to Sirius, he was now able to go into the Slytherin Common Room, and take a shower every day. That made his look's improve dramatically. Since then, everything in his life had improved.

And that all thanks to Sirius. The thought of the handsome Griffendore made him blush.

"You're blushing Severus." Anna giggled. "Who are you thinking of?" Severus glared at her.

Somehow, Anna had become something like a friend. She didn't judge him, and she listened. Of course it was her Job, but Severus felt that she really cared about him, not like the other psychiatrist before her.

"No one. I'm thinking of no one."

Anna grinned and said "Maybe… Sirius Black?"

That made Severus blush even more violently. "Shut up!" Anna laughed. "

It's okay Sev. Don't be ashamed, he's really hot."

"Anna!" the black-haired boy grinned. "But you are right. He is really hot."

"Who's really hot?" Sirius Black was standing behind Snape, looking down on him with his boyish grin.

Sirius knew that the Slytherin was Gay, and it didn't bother him for he liked both male and female.

"Lucius Malfoy." Anna said, smiling at Sirius. "I think he took a fancy to our Severus here. What do you think?" Sirius laughed, one of his rich, barking laughs. It always made Severus shiver when he laughed like that.

"Don't talk nonsense Anna. As if someone like Lucius Malfoy would even notice me. He's not only a Sexgod, but also a year above me and one of the smartest student's in Hogwarts."

"I do think he has taken a fancy to you Sev. And if you like him, I think you should make a move on him."

Anna looked at her clock and said "Wow, it's time for me to go. Sorry Sev, but we have to cut this short. I won't be able to see you when you're on vacation, but I will see you the day you arrive. If there's an emergency, you can always Owl me okay?"

Sev looked at her and smiled. "Yes Anna. Thank you. Have a good vacation."

"Thank you Severus. You too." and with that she left. Sirius sat down next to Snape, and looked at him.

"Uhm… you really think Malfoy is a Sexgod?" he suddenly sounded nervous.

"Well… yeah, I guess. I mean he's really handsome and smart and stuff. I don't know why he should take a liking to me. The only thing I'm good in is Potions."

Sirius rolled his eyes and said "You don't give yourself any credit do you? You know you're an excellent student."

Severus sighted. "I'm not going to argue with you… everything lie's in the eye of the beholder." Sirius grinned at him, and Severus had to quickly look away. Why did that stupid idiot have to be so charming and drop dead gorgeous?

"Why don't you look me in the eye Sev? Can't take my beauty?" Sirius laughed. S

nape saw his chance to taunt the Griffendore and said "And what if that were true?" Sirius starred at the Slytherin with an almost shocked expression. Severus started laughing.

"You mean prat! You were mocking me!" Sirius jumped on the other, pushing him to the ground softly. He was now kneeling over Snape, grinning.

Their faces were so close, that Sirius soft hair was stroking Snape's cheek. The Slytherin looked up into the outrageous beautiful eye's of the Animagus, and those eye's were looking back into his.

"Sev…" Sirius whispered, his voice low and husky. Snape could feel his throat go dry. Sirius face was coming closer, his hands softly sliding down to the Slytherin's hips.

"Sirius…" Snape's voice almost failed him. he was just about to close his eye's and let it happen, when he noticed James Potter walking towards them. He quickly pushed Sirius off, hissing

"Potters here!" and then ran off. Sirius looked after the Slytherin, and the first time in his life, he was truly unhappy to see James.

Severus had quickly laid as much distance between him and Sirius as possible. What the hell das happened over there? Had Sirius really tried to kiss him? That was Absurd! Why the hell would that gorgeous Man want to kiss him? It made no sense.

Sighting, Severus started to pack clothes and other stuff into his suitcase. Maybe it had just been the romance of the moment. Maybe Sirius had simple gone mad. Snape just couldn't explain it.

//It's probably nothing…// He closed his suitcase, looking at his watch. It was time to go down to the Hogwarts Express. Slowly, he started walking to the train, pulling the heavy suitcase after him.

"May I help you with that Severus?" a silky voice near his ear woke Snape from his thought. He quickly turned around, and looked right into to brilliant grey eyes.

"Malfoy?" he asked, blinking.

"Please, call me Lucius." Without any farther questions, he took Snape's suitcase and carried it for him.

"You don't have to…" Snape started, but Lucius interrupted him

"Don't worry, it's my pleasure. What are you going to do when your at home Severus?" he smiled at him softly.

"Nothing I guess… Just relax." Lucius laughed.

"That doesn't sound like you at all Severus." Severus looked at the silver haired Slytherin and asked

"Really? What did you expect me to do?" They had arrived at the train, and Severus followed the Malfoy into a empty compartment in the train.

"Well, I thought you would be reading all the time, making potions and stuff~" Severus smiled.

"Well... I WILL be reading a lot~"

"It's the first time you've done that." Malfoy looked at the raiven haired boy.

"Done what?" the smaller of them both asked.

"Smile. You should do that more often. It looks good on you." Severus just smiled again, and sat down at the windown.

"People keep saying that... maybe I should."

As they arrived in London, Severus said a quick good bye to Lucius, who was picked up by his father as always. He, who had no family left always felt depressed, whenever he arrived or departed.

Everywhere there were parents, aunts and uncles waiting for a student, while he had to go home alone everytime. In these Moments he always missed his mother more then ever. She had been such a wonderful, wonderful person...

Severus shook his head, as if to get ride of those thoughts. He took his Suitcase, and started to walk towards the wall that would lead him into the muggel station.

"You're not gonna change?" Suprised, Severus turned his head to look right into the beautiful eyes of Sirius Black.

"No, I always go in my school clothes." he answered and then asked "What are you doing here? Why aren't you with your friends?"

"Did you forget?" Sirius asked, looking at the Slytherin that stil looked puzzled.

"You said you'ed take me home to Dumbledore." It took Snape a few seconds to remember what the boy was talking about.

"You really want to come with me?" he asked shyly. Sirius grinned at him and nodded

"Yeah dude. Were gonna have fun."

Severus just rolled his eyes and mumbled "this is going to be a long vacation..."


	4. Chapter 4 Running

Chapter 4: The Arrival 

So hi there Thank's for the reviews and all the nice comment's I'm really happy that you like my story xD I'll give my best to keep up to your expectations So have fun with the next Chapter and please review

"So Sev, where do you live?" Sirius asked, ignoring the eye's of the Muggles that followed the to boy's as they left the train station, and walked outside.

"It's quite far from here. We're gonna have to get a Taxi to get there." Severus answered, walking over to the sidewalk where a line of Taxi's were parked. The driver got out, and smiled at the Slytherin.

"Hey there Severus. You wanna get home or to the store first?" The Man, which was probably about 50, softly patted Snape on the shoulder and smiled at him.

"Home please Tony. I'll go to the shop tomorrow. We are rather exhausted." the raiven haired boy smiled back at the older Man slightly, and let him put his Trunk in the trunk of the car.

"And who's this Severus. A friend of your's?" Tony looked at Sirius, putting his suitcase next to Snape's.

"Ah yes, this is Sirius Black. Sirius, this is Tony. He was a close friend of my mother." Sirius nodded and smiled at the Man, and sat in the back with Snape.

They drove through the City first, but soon the scenery changed. The houses got less and less, until they were completely gone. The only thing Sirius could now see was grass and fields. They drove at least an hour he suspected, before the car turned right onto a field way, and shortly after that stopped in front of a middle sized house.

"Thank you Tony." Severus got out of the car, and paid Tony, while Sirius got their suitcases out of the trunk. Tony waved good bye, got into his car and drove away.

"So, this is your home." Sirius smiled at the Slytherin, which nodded. "I don't know how clean it is, it take's Twinkels a while to clean since she's already really old…" the boy's carried their suitcases into the house, putting them down on the floor of the long corridor. Sirius had to say that he was rather surprised. He had thought that Snape's house would be old, in green and silver and full of dark magic. What he found was a rather welcoming, comfortable and inviting atmosphere.

"It's really lovely Severus. I like it here." Sirius said, and looked at the Slytherin, who suddenly looked embraced.

"Thank's… let me show you your room…" he quickly took his suitcase, and carried it up the stairs. Sirius couldn't help but giggle, and quickly follow Snape.

"Why are you blushing Sev?" he teased the other one, as he lead him to the room he would be staying in the next few days.

"I'm… just not used to getting complements on… anything." the Slytherin shrugged and then opened the door to the guest bedroom. It was all in red and gold, almost looking like the Gryffindor beds in Hogwarts.

"Did you do this for me?" Sirius asked, utterly surprised by what he saw. Did Snape really do this for him?

"Well…" Snape said, nervously playing with a streak of his silky black hair "I wanted you to feel at home. And I know you feel more at home in Hogwarts than anywhere else, so I told Twinkels to make up your room like this." The Slytherin blushed more violently now, turning his head away, so Sirius couldn't see his face.

"Sev…" the Gryffindor quickly wrapped his arms around the Slytherin from behind, nuzzling his nose into his neck. "Thank you Sev… I really love it."

"Let go of me you stupid mutt…" Severus mumbled, but Sirius could feel the shivers that he caused with his action. Slowly he turned the Slytherin around, looking him in the eye's. "Your so sweet Sev… so sweet…" he whispered, softly stroking his cheek.

"Shut up… don't say that…" Severus could feel the hot breath from Sirius softly stroke his cheek. The Gryffindor war so… Severus couldn't describe him. Sirius was so different from himself. So open, so handsome, so wonderful… why the hell would he want to do this with him? He was ugly, a git and aside from potions he wasn't good at anything. So why would this wonderful person want with him? Remembering all these things about himself he quickly turned his face to the side. He didn't deserve Sirius… He didn't deserve his sweetness, any of his kindness… Sirius didn't seem to care that Sev had turned his face away. He planted a soft kiss in the black hair, then softly pushed it away so he could kiss his cheek. Snape couldn't take it anymore. He quickly pushed the other one away so hard, that he fell to the floor. "I'm so sorry…" he whispered, and then ran.

"Sev wait!" Sirius sat there on the floor, totally stunned. What had just happened? Why had Snape pushed him away? Did he not like him? But he had enjoyed it! So why had he just run off like that? Sirius was truly confused.

About an hour later there was a soft nock on the Door of the Griffendore. "Sirius…?" Snape's voice sounded insecure. "It's time for dinner…" Sirius opened the door, smiling at Severus, as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, what did the house elf make?" Sirius asked curiously

"It didn't cook…" Severus blushed slightly. "I did."

"You can cook?" the Gryffindor looked surprised.

"Well yeah… a little bit." Severus admitted. "I hope you like it."

Sirius just grinned "Sev, you know me. I eat everything." and with that, they walked down the stairs, towards the kitchen.

"It looks great Sev." Sirius said, as he looked at the food in front of him. Quickly sitting down, he waited till Sev was seated, and then started eating.

Snape watched his friend with an almost amused smile. The Gryffindor was so cute, with his eye's sparkling as he ate. Sometime's the Slytherin thought that Sirius enjoyed food even more then pulling pranks on other people.

"Why are you looking at me?" Sirius mumbled, his mouth still full of food.

"Oh nothing. I was just wondering how much you could stuff into your mouth without swallowing." Sirius stuck his tongue out at him, after finally swallowing.

"Well at least I'm eating something. You haven't even touched your food yet!"

"I'll eat, don't worry." Sev delicately took his fork and started eating. He had more manners then Sirius, only taking small bites and swallowing before speaking. The Gryffindor just grinned at him.

After dinner, they both sat down in front of the fire place, just watching the fire dance over the wood. It was quiet for a while, and you could here the rain drops softly hitting the window. Severus almost had a heart attack as he suddenly felt a wet something on his hand. He looked down, and there was Sirius, looking at him with big brown eyes. Sev couldn't help but laugh. If anyone had told him a few weeks ago, that he and Sirius Black would be friends and be spending Christmas vacation together, he sure as hell would have hexed there tongues of. Softly stroking Sirius' hair, he stared into the fire. Somehow he had a feeling that soon something would happen. Something that would make him either really happy… or really depressed.

Sorry this chapter is such crap vv" I've lost my creativity I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Please review


	5. Chapter 5: The Visitor ore The Fight

Chapter 5: The Visitor

The next day's past by peacefully. It had started snowing the first night they had been there, so everything was covered in a white blanket of snow. Sev loved going outside with Sirius, which often turned into a dog, so he could run around and chase rabbets and other small animals that where still there over the winter. They had spent Christmas in front of the fire, exchanging small gifts. Sirius had gotten Severus a book, and the Slytherin had gotten the Gryffindor some expensive wax for his broom. Both of them were more than happy with there present. Severus laughed a lot at the Gryffindor, and he enjoyed the time they spent together. He wished it had never ended…

One evening he and Sirius, which was in his dog form, were sitting in front of the fire. Sirius was just resting and relaxing, the Slytherin was reading. As the Door bell rang both looked up with a surprised look on their faces.

"I'll get it" Severus said, as he laid his book away and walked to the door. Sirius watched as he opened the door, and was not happy as he saw who it was. There he was, Lucius Malfoy, gently smiling at Severus. Sirius started growling. Severus politely asked the Malfoy in, and took his coat. The Gryffindor did not like the way Malfoy looked at Sev. As he growled at Lucius loudly, Severus shushed him with a quick "Padfoot please… he is a guest." Sirius just made some disapproving noises, but laid back down. Lucius giggled.

"So, this is your dog then Severus?" his voice was silky, making Severus shiver a little bit. He loved this voice…

"Well… he kinda… came to me." Severus shrugged and asked "would you like some Tee Sir?"

"No need to call me Sir. We're not in school. Call me Lucius." that made Severus blush.

"And I would love some tee. Do you have Earl Grey?" The black haired Slytherin nodded, and showed Lucius to the Living Room.

"Please sit down, I'll be back in a second." Lucius nodded, and Severus quickly walked into the Kitchen. Why the hell was Lucius here? What did he want…? Severus didn't know what to do. With his wand he quickly made some tee, and carefully carried the cup to Lucius. The blond took it, his long fingers elegantly curling around the handle.

"Thank you." he said politely, and took a sip. Severus looked at the other Slytherin nervously.

"Lucius, I really don't mean to me rude but-"

"-what the hell am I doing here?" he asked, smiling at Severus in his sly, charming way. Lucius Malfoy was definitely a handsome man. Severus couldn't take his eye's off of the Slytherin. "I didn't give you your gift yet, so I came by to bring it." and with that, he took a little present from his pocket, handing it to Snape.

"Lucius you-" Severus was hushed by a finger that was laid against his lips.

"Shush." Lucius smiled. "Just open it and tell me if you like it, and I'll be on my way." He pulled his finger back from the pale lips. "open it"

Severus nodded and blushed, carefully opening the unexpected gift. What came out was a box with some very fine, brown powder. Severus could not believe his eyes.

"Lucius this… I can't except it… how…. where?" Sirius was confused. Why was Severus so excited? He walked up to the present and looked at it. //Dirt?// he thought. //He got him… Dirt. Great.//

"I thought you'd like it." Lucius smiled. Severus just nodded, unable to find the right words. "Don't say anything." the blond haired Slytherin just smiled. "I have to go now. Can I stop by again some other time?"

"Yes, of course, please do!" Lucius had truly charmed Severus. The black-haired Slytherin walked Lucius to the door, blushing violently as Lucius placed a soft kiss of his cheek.

"Goodbye Severus. I will see you soon." and with that, Lucius disapperated.

"Bye… Lucius." Severus stood in the door for another 5 minutes, starring at the place where Lucius had just disappeared.

"He got you dirt Sev?" Sirius asked, looking at Sev in an unusual way.

"That not dirt Sirius!" Severus quickly covered the box with the powder in it, and put it away. "That is powder made from Dragon Scales! It's really expensive…" Severus looked at the boy, and said "I can't believe he actually bought me a present… and such a rare one… and so expensive…"

Sirius just growled, and said "Well he has enough money to sit on his lazy ass all his life and not get in financial problems. He probably just want's to get into your pants."

"Sirius!" Severus looked at the Gryffindor, showing him rather clearly that he was not pleased with what he said. "He's a handsome, well-mannered, friendly man. His father works hard for the money, and I'm sure Lucius will do so when he is grown up."

Sirius just rolled his eye's "God Sev… whatever… You sound like you're in love with him or something."

"So what if I where?" Severus hissed, and looked at Sirius. "What if I did love him?"

"They you would be stupid. He's a slimy, manipulative Bastard, that will do nothing but hurt you. He has had more fucks than I had, and that is hard to do."

"You're just jealous!" Severus shouted "Jealous that he is everything you are not!" the Slytherin was angry. How dare Sirius make Lucius look bad?! How dare he make Severus unsure about the blond?! He had no right… no right to make him feel insecure.

"Of what?!" he spat "He is a ass, he has always been an ass, an he will always be an ass! He will only hurt you Sev! Listen to me, I'm trying to protect you!"

"Well stop it! I don't need you!" Severus was closed to tears. "I can take care of myself!"

"Oh, the same way you did when you killed your father?!" Severus froze. The world around him stopped turning. Pain rushed through his heart, making it feel like it was about o burst into a million pieces.

"Sev, I didn't mean that…" Sirius whispered. "I'm so sorry Sev I…" he didn't get any farther.

"Get OUT!" the Slytherin screamed, randomly picking up all the things he could reach and throwing them at the Gryffindor. "GET OUT NOW!" tears dripped down his cheeks, as he looked at Sirius with obvious pain.

"Please Sev, listen to me!" Sirius said, slowly walking towards Severus. But the Slytherin just backed away, still crying.

"GET OUT NOW OR I WILL HEX YOU OUT!" he screamed, quickly getting his wand and pointing it at Sirius.

The Gryffindor sighted, realizing that it didn't have any worth to talk to Severus now. He just calmly said "I'll leave. I'll be back tomorrow. Please cool down. We'll talk soon." and with that he walked past Severus, and disappeared as soon as he was out the door.

Severus slammed the door shut, crying and sobbing. That bloody Mutt… Severus felt more then miserable. He felt like he had just hit rock bottom. Did Sirius really think that of him…? Of course he did… Severus wasn't worth a penny. He was an ugly, weird, good for nothing, dirty boy. How could he have believed that Sirius actually liked him…? He was so stupid…

"Is Master Severus not feeling well?" a small little voice next to Severus asked. Twinkles was looking up at her master, gently stroking his hand. Severus was very, very fond of his house elf. Twinkled had always been good to him, and Severus treated her kind and with respect. She had been the only one who had actually cared for him after his Mothers death.

"No Twinkles, I'm fine… I'm sorry for screaming. I know you don't like it." he quickly brushed away his tears, giving her a small smile.

"You know, Master Severus… I don't think that you're friend meant to hurt you. He's just worried."

"Please Twinkles… don't… don't say anything okay?" Severus always appreciated Twinkles advice, but right now he was so confused and messed up that every word that entered his mind made him feel a little bit more sick and insecure.

"Maybe Master should lay down in bed now, and Twinkles will bring him some tee and cookies?"

Severus couldn't help but feel better. The old house elf always knew how to make him feel better. "Yes Twinkles… that would be just wonderful." Twinkles just smiled at her master, and walked into the kitchen.

Severus slowly walked up to his room, and cuddled up in his warm bed. A few minutes later Twinkles came in, bringing him his favorite tee and cookies.

"Thank you twinkles." he said, slowly sipping his tee and taking a cookie.

"Master should rest now. Twinkles will take care of everything." the house elf flashed him another smile, before she left the room.

Severus just shook his head and smiled, ate his cookies and drank his tee, before laying back in his pillow. He closed his eye's and tried to fall asleep. But his mind was to full to really come to rest. All he was thinking about was a stupid Mutt… and if that stupid mutt would be back soon…

So this is chapter 5 I hope you guy's liked it Please comment


	6. Chapter 6: Twinkles death

1Chapter 6

Severus spend the rest of the night waiting for Sirius. He was worried... where was he going to sleep tonight...? What was he going to eat? Twinkles checked up on him a few times, shaking her head every time she saw that he was still awake. But the Slytherin couldn't help himself. He couldn't sleep. Cursing the Gryffindor, he finally got up again and walked down into the kitchen.

"Twinkles, go to bed." he said, looking at the House elf. "I'll take care of the rest."

"Thank you Master Severus. I will see you in the morning." the house elf bowed down, and walked away.

Severus started cleaning up the kitchen, and everything else he could find, just to take his mind off of the Gryffindor. But it didn't really work. His eyes wandered around the room, as he saw a knife lying on the table. He swallowed hard. He had promised it to Anna and Sirius... he had promised not to cut himself anymore... but he still had the urge, the wish to get the knife and cut deep into his arm. Just to see the blood. Just to feel the pain, and get rid of the pain that Sirius has caused him a few hours ago. Sirius wasn't here... Anna wasn't here... if he just did one, light cut... no one would notice... so he walked to the knife, and took it in his hand. The handle was wood, and felt nice and smooth against his hand, while the metal felt cold and... somehow soothing. He pushed his sleeve and looked at his scared arm. Finally... he was going to see it again...

He breathed in deeply, and than muttered to himself "Only one cut Sev... and only a small one... and not a deep one..." and then he cut. It wasn't deep, and It didn't really bleed. But as soon as he had seen it, his old addiction was back. He cut again, this time deeper. This time more blood welled up from the wound and trickled down his arm. Severus smiled. This felt so good...but he had to stop... Sirius would notice if he cut to much... but it felt so good... Severus was just about to cut once again, as he heard an angry growl. He quickly looked up and saw Sirius standing in the kitchen right in front of the door.

"Sirius..." he whispered, and bit his lower lip, letting the knife fall. Sirius just walked towards Snape, took him by the hand and pulled him into the bathroom, not saying one word. If Sirius shouted and screamed he was angry. If Sirius didn't say a word he was about to kill someone. As they got into the bathroom, Sirius cleaned and vetted the Slytherins wounds.

They both were silent for a while till Snape said "...I'm sorry Sirius... I... I swear I don't do it anymore, just this one time... I... I was so sad... and confused..." Black eye's met brown ones.

"I'm sorry too..." Sirius sighted "I didn't mean to say those mean things... I... I just don't trust Lucius... please, please be careful with him..." Severus nodded and gave Sirius a small smile.

"Let's go back to bed..." he said, standing up and looking at Sirius.

The Gryffindor nodded, and returned the small smile. Then both of them walked up to their rooms. Severus quickly got into bed, snuggling into the warm blankets. He was about to fall asleep when he felt something wet nudging his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes and saw a big black dog sitting next to his bed, looking at him with two begging eyes.

"Oh dear lord Sirius..." he mumbled, but then scooted a little so that Sirius could jump up on the bed and lay down. "Now go to sleep." Sirius gave a small bark, and closed his eyes. Severus couldn't help but smile...

Severus was woken from a delicious smell right in front of him. He opened his eyes, and looked at a grinning Sirius and a tablet with food. "Breakfast in bed?" he asked, slowly sitting up.

"Hell ya" Sirius laughed "I love eating in bed It's so warm and comfortable" he quickly got under the covers with the Slytherin, making Severus blush slightly. "So, do you want toast or an egg first?" Sirius asked, while he started munching on a toast himself.

"I'll take a toast please." Severus answered. Sirius handed him the toast, and started eating his egg.

Both of them enjoyed there meal, before Severus got up to take a shower. Meanwhile, Sirius turned into a dog, walking around and exploring. Most of the other rooms where nit very interesting, just the normal rooms a house had. He walked up the stairs, leading him into some kind of loft. But as he tried to open the door, he found that it was looked. Now Sirius was even more eager to get inside it.

"Master Severus keeps this door looked at all times." Sirius almost had a heart attack as he heard the small voice of the house elf next to himself. He turned into his human form, and looked at the house elf.

"Who's room is this?" he asked. "And why is it always looked?"

Twinkles sat down an the stairs, and said "It was the Room of Master Severus Mother. Master Severus und her would hide here from his father four hours. She would sing to him, read to him, hug him. Everything she couldn't do when his father was with them."

Sirius sighted "So he was a real ass I take it?" Severus didn't speak about his childhood. The Gryffindor always had the feeling that Snape didn't want to speak about it, because he was trying everything to forget it.

"Master Snape's father was..." Twinkles sighted. "He was an alcoholic, and a bad father and husband. What once had started with love, had ended in hate. He cheated on his wife a lot, and hit Master Severus a lot. And after the death of his wife... he went mad.

Sirius nodded "Sev told me about what happened... But if this room is so full of happy memories, why does he have it looked?"

Twinkles looked at Sirius and said "The Master spent very much time in there after his mother's death, and after the death of his father. Twinkles does not know exactly what Master Severus did in there, but Twinkles heard him crying, and breaking things. He wouldn't let old Twinkles in, no, not ever. After his second year in Hogwarts Master Severus looked the room, and ordered me not to go inside ever again."

Sirius sighted, and looked at Twinkles "He didn't have it easy in life in Hogwarts either. We used to pick at him a lot. With every one else."

Twinkles nodded and answered "Twinkles knows. Master Severus talks to Twinkles when he is here alone. He tell's me about what happens in his letters to. Master Severus is very kind do Twinkles and treats her like a human. That makes Twinkles very happy. And so Twinkles tries to help Master with advice and comforting."

This time it was Sirius turn to nod, and he said "So you think he'll ever get over what we've done to him? He is nice towards me at least but... he really, really hates everyone else except that Malfoy jerk."

Twinkles said "Master Severus' trust is not easy to get back once you've lost it. But when he trusts, he trusts with heart and soul." the old house elf sighted, and then looked at Sirius again. "May Twinkles ask the Masters friend a favor?"

Sirius just smiled and said "It's Sirius. And ya, sure, why not. Shoot."

Twinkles gave him a small smile and then asked "Please take good care of my Master. Don't leave him alone when he's sad, and don't let others pick on him. He's very lonely and deep inside he's not as strong as you might think he is. I'm not going to be here for long anymore. I need you to promise that you will take very good care for my Master when I'm gone."

Surprised Sirius looked at the house elf "What do you mean, you're not going to me here for long anymore?"

Twinkles gave him another smile, but this one was a tiered, sad one. "I'm very old Master Sirius. And even with Master Severus potions to keep me strong, I am growing weaker. It's time for me to leave soon. So I need to know that there is someone around to take care of him. Someone who he can come to when he feel's broken and tired of everything. Someone who will protect him from the outside world, as of the darkness inside him."

Sirius leaned back, closing his eye's and sighting. "I promise I'll do my best... but he'll be hurting deep after you're death, I hope you know that. You are really important to him." That just made the House elf smile again.

"Thank you Master Sirius. Oh and.. please keep an eye on the Malfoy boy. He seems to have taken a liking to Master Severus, but I fear that he is not the right one for him." with that she stood up, and started walking down the stairs.

"Oh hell, I will." Sirius grinned. He started to really like this house elf...

Sirius was startled as he heard Severus call his name in horror. He quickly jumped up, almost tripped on the stairs, and quickly followed Severus sobbing. As he found him in the kitchen, the boy was curled up in a corner, crying.

He quickly walked to the Slytherin, taking him in his arms, cradling him against his chest. "What's wrong Sev? Come on, what's wrong...?"

Severus just sobbed again, and then pointed to something. Sirius looked at where he was pointing, and saw Twinkles lying on the floor, not moving. Sirius sighted.

"It's okay Sev... shhh..." he whispered in the ear of the boy, his voice deep and soothing. "It'll be okay... I'm here..."

Severus couldn't stop crying for another two hours. He just couldn't. After that, he just snuggled up to Sirius more, digging his fingers in his shoulders.

"Don't go..." he whimpered. "Don't leave me alone.."

"I won't sev. I won't leave you alone I promise." Sirius just held the boy, comforting him. Then he picked him up, and carried him away from the body.

He laid him on the Sofa in the livingroom, gently stroking his hair. "Hush Severus... I'm here. You're not alone. Now rest..."

Severus' eyes where red and he was still shaking, but he nodded. As Sirius got up he quickly reached for him, pulling him back by his hand. "Don't go!"

"I'm just fetching you a blanket Sev." Sirius softly smiled at him, and then stood up again and got the blanket that laid on the chair. He carefully covered the boy, and gave him a small kiss on the forehead.

Severus gave a small sob, holding on to Sirius, and said "Don't leave me alone... please... don't..."

Sirius just shook his head, stroking the hair of the Slytherin. "I'm not going to go Sev. Know close you're eyes, and rest. I won't leave your side."

Severus nodded, and then finally closed his eyes and fell asleep. Sirius sighted, watching the boy sleep. He somehow got the feeling, that the next few day's were not going to be easy.

So I hope you liked this chapter I had a song in mind while I wrote it. It was "Our farewell" from Within Temptation. Please read and Review


	7. Chapter 7: Departure

1Chapter 7

Hey there folks Well I'm back with chapter 7 Thanks for sticking around this long smile I'm really happy that you guy's like my story. Thanks a lot. Now have fun with the next Chapter

As Sirius had suspected, the next few days where hard on both of them. Sirius had found Severus cutting himself in the kitchen several times, and with every time he had to clean the wounds of the slytherin he felt angrier... and a little bit more helpless. He didn't know how to help Severus. All he could do was comfort him and hope that it would soon be better.

It was the day that they would return to Hogwarts when Severus stopped crying. He seemed to have finally coped with Twinkles death. But the eyes of the Slytherin seemed a little darker, a little bit less alive.

"Sev?" Sirius asked, as it was time to get into the cab. Tony was already waiting. "We gotta go now..." The Slytherin only nodded. He had stood there at least 5 minutes and just starred at the house. His home.

Sirius softly took Severus Hand and pulled him into the car. Severus didn't resist, just sat there and looked out of the window, while Sirius softly stroked his hand. The Gryffindor did not now what to do either then calming Severus. At this point he was helpless. Anna would have to repair the rest of the damage done to the soul of the Slytherin.

As they got to the Train, Sirius kept looking over his shoulder.

"If you want to leave Sirius, just go. I'm sure Potter, Lupin and that other boy are somewhere near by." Severus was back to his normal self. His voice cold, his eyes and face unreadable.

"Sev, you know that's..." Sirius started, but then he could here a voice calling his name.

"Hey Padfoot! What the hell are you doing with old Snivellus?" James Potter was know standing in front of them, growling at Severus. "Is the old git making trouble again?"

Severus just looked at James, snarling "Oh look, Potty is back. Tell me, when are you going to stop wearing a dead animal on your head? I don't think Evans likes it either."

Sirius couldn't help but grin. But then he was serious again. "No Prongs, there is nothing wrong... I just..."

"He just wanted to remind me that he hated me, and that If I took one wrong step he would beat the shit out of me. Now just fucking leave me alone." and with that Severus just left, pulling his suitcase after himself.

Sirius just stared after him. Why did Severus just leave...? The Gryffindor didn't understand. But then James was already pulling him away. When Sirius looked back, Severus was gone.

The black haired boy sighted, as he sat all alone in a cabin of the Hogwartsexpress, starring out of the Window. A few students walked pass the cabin, looking for places to sit, because the train was about to leave the station. But as soon as they saw who was sitting inside of the cabin, they quickly walked pass it. Nobody wanted to sit with the mean, greasy git. Severus didn't blame them.

"Good Morning Severus." Severus quickly turned around, looking for the person who had called him by his first name. Even if Sirius called him by his first name, it was still odd for the Slytherin. He still had to get used to the fact that someone would want to talk to him.

Lucius Malfoy was standing in front of him, his long, shiny hair tied pack in a ponytail, looking almost silver where the sun hit it. The young Man was certainly the most handsome one in the hole School. Sirius was very handsome in a boyish, charming kind of way. But Lucius Malfoy was drop dead gorgeous. His presents was strong and confident, and... Severus couldn't help finding Lucius very, very Sexy. The way he moved, the way he spoke... it all made Severus feel like melting. Lucius had to only look at him, and Severus was caught, and caught by him alone.

"Good Morning Sir." Severus muttered, trying not to blush. Why did he feel like Malfoy was looking right into his head, reading his thoughts...?

"No need to call me Sir. It's Lucius Severus. At all times." The blond smiled at the Slytherin, vitiating all of his efforts not to blush. "May I sit with you?"

Severus couldn't believe his ear's. Lucius Malfoy wanted to sit with him! He quickly nodded, mumbling a fast "Ya, sure. Sit down." Severus looked away as the Slytherin sat down across him..

For a few moments, it was quiet , but then Lucius started talking, implicating Severus into simple small talk. Nothing to serious, just some light conversation. The train soon left the station, but Severus was much to interested in talking with Lucius than noticing something like that.

Suddenly, total out of the blue for Severus, Lucius asked "So Severus... You have a girlfriend?"

The black haired boy just starred at the older one for a few seconds, blinking in confusion. But the he grasped himself again and said "No I don't. I'm not very popular with girls." //But it doesn't matter, I don't like them anyway.// he added silently. "Do you?"

Lucius just smiled and said "No, I don't." then he laughed. "Why do you look so surprised?"

"Well..." Severus said, blushing and looking away. "Well you know, you're... just really handsome and smart and stuff. I thought you would have one."

The blond laughed "Oh, so you think I'm handsome?" he purred, moving to the edge of the seat, looking at Severus in a very odd way.

"Well ya." Severus whispered, looking at Lucius, blushing violently. "Everybody thinks so. You're just drop dead gorgeous." Dear Lord, Severus felt embraced. How on earth did he even manage to say something so embarrassing?

"I don't care about what others say" Lucius whispered, moving to sit near next to Severus. "But... I do care about what you say... and... I think that you are a very exquisite Beauty."slowly moving his hand to the back haired boy's knee, he leaned even closer to him, putting his other hand to his cheek. "I really think you are beautiful..." and then he kissed him.

Severus was shocked to the core. There he was sitting in the cabin of the Hogwartsexpress, and was being kissed by the most handsome man he had ever seen. Lucius tongue softly brushed his lips, begging for entrance. And slowly, almost hesitant, his lips parted and let Lucius warm, moist tongue slide into his mouth. At first it was a gently, playful kiss. But then the blond let his hand slide over Severus' thigh, making him shiver with pleasure. The hand of the blond wandered over his hip, moving under his shirt, tenderly stroking the soft skin on his surprisingly good modeled chest.

"Mm..." Lucius purred, after he broke away from the kiss. "You taste good my little Snake..." Severus blushed violently. The hand of the older boy was teasing the nipple of the Slytherin, making him moan lustfully. "And how sensitive you are... come... do that again for me... I love your voice..." his second hand slipped under the others shirt, softly stroking the other nipple. Severus moaned again, bit his lip, and then pushed the blond away softly.

"Please I... I don't..." Severus didn't really know what to say. "I can't do it right now. And not here. And... I don't think I can ever if... you know... where not in love. I'm sorry, I know it sounds stupid. But I don't want sex if there's no Love." The Slytherin blushed at his own words. Now, Lucius was surly going to leave him alone.

"But Sev..." Lucius said, looking him in the eye. "I do love you."

Well, that was it. Sorry it's so short and such crap " I hope you like it anyway

See ya


	8. Chapter 8: First Kiss

1Chapter 8

So I'm back again with Chapter 8 I'm sorry that it's taking me so long to update. But its my graduating year, and I've got a lot of school stuff going on. So I apologize for the long wait and the short Chapters. In July it should all be better :) So have fun with this Chapter

"But Sev..." Lucius said, looking him in the eye. "I do love you."

Severus just starred at Lucius for a few seconds, his mouth open in surprise. It took his brain a little more time to realize what the blond had just said. Lucius was about to kiss Severus again, when he was pushed away.

"Sev, what's wrong?" he asked in confusion, looking at the boy in front of him. The black haired Slytherin was shaking, bitting his lip.

"What did you just say?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"I love you Sev." Lucius breathed into Snape's ear. "I love you. And I want to be with you."

Severus shook his head violently, almost hitting Lucius in the face with his hair, if the blond hadn't moved away. "I... uhm... I..." Severus muttered "I don't know what to say and... I... I don't know if I believe you."

Lucius softly stroked the cheek of the younger Boy, giving him a small kiss on the forehead. "Think about it. I have to go check on my friends. I hope they aren't doing anything stupid. I will be back." with that, he stood up and walked out of the cabin, leaving behind a shocked Severus.

Meanwhile Sirius and his friends were hanging out in there own cabin, and while Prongs and Peter were talking, and Lupin was reading, the black haired boy just starred out of the window. He had seen Malfoy follow Severus... that blond slut meant nothing but trouble in Sirius' opinion. Why the hell was he suddenly after Sev?! He hadn't cared for him all this time, so why now? But then again, Sirius was doing the same. He had not only NOT cared for the Slytherin, but also tormented and teased him so bad that he had tried to kill himself... and not only once. Sirius bit his lip. How could he have been so foolish? How the hell did he not SEE what Severus was going through?

"Hey Padfoot You look depressed. What's up?" James was looking at him with suspicious green eyes. "And were where you over the Holidays? You didn't answer any of my owls."

Sirius just shrugged and said "I'm fine James. I'm sorry, I didn't get those. I spent most of the time away." Lupin gave him another of his "I-know-you're-lying" looks, but didn't say anything. But Sirius knew the boy to well. Sooner or later, Remus would either find out or make Sirius tell him. If there was one thing Moonie was good at, it was luring people into telling him what he wants to know, without them even noticing until it was to late. Remus had done that a few times, and Sirius always cursed himself after letting the stuff slip from him even if he knew before what Remus was up to. So he would have a choice. Tell Remus voluntarily, or have him pull it out. He didn't really know which he preferred.

"Oh, why didn't you come to my place Sirius if you had trouble at home?" James asked, putting his arm around Sirius shoulder.

"Aww, I'm always at your place James. And I know Lily was there, so I didn't want to bother." Sirius grinned. "So did you go at it like animals?"

"Wouldn't you like to know" James laughed and then grinned.

"Hell ya. So tell me. Did you?" Sirius looked at him. Of course he knew that they had, but he loved the games he played with James. He felt so happy and carefree when he was around his friends... The time with Severus was enjoyable to, but in a very different way. The fun they had was more... he didn't know how to say it. It was just different. But even If he and Sev had fun... he always felt insecure around him. Always afraid to say something and ruin it.

"Well... yeah we did" James finally admitted, and grinned and Sirius.

"Aww my little boy is all grown up" Sirius laughed, and patted Prongs on the shoulder. "I gotta move. I'm gonna walk around a little and say hi to the Molly and Arthur okay? There finally dating."

James giggled and said "Really? Wow, that took them long..."

"Well you know how they are Arthur is so shy" Sirius laughed, stood up and left the cabin. It was time to check up on his Slytherin. But where should he look? The train was long... Sirius decided to walk and check all the cabins. He would find Severus sooner or later. And the one's that were full he could skip. He knew Severus hated big crowds and liked to sit alone.

Sirius soon found Severus in a cabin way in the back of the train. He opened the door, and sat down next to Severus, who hadn't moved.

"Sev?" Sirius asked, and lightly touched the other boys shoulder. Severus flinched, but still said nothing. Sirius sighted, and softly hugged the boy from behind "Hey Sev, what's wrong? Are you mad at me? Whatever I did to piss you off, I'm sorry"

But Severus just shook his head and shyly moved into the embrace. "It wasn't you, Sirius..."

"But somebody did piss you off?" Sirius asked, rubbing his cheek against Severus'.

"Well... more or less" Severus said, looking back at Sirius. "Lucius said something... I... I really don't know what to do..."

"What did that Idiot do know?" Sirius growled, looking at Severus. "You want me to kick his ass? I swear, I'll kick him so hard that he won't know if he's a boy or a girl!"

"No Sirius, don't." Snape sighted and looked at the boy. "He just... He said he loved me, but I'm sure it was only a joke."

Sirius hold on the Slytherin instantly grew stronger, as his eyes burned up in fury. "He said what? That slimy little Bastard!"

Severus just sighted again. "He was just joking Sirius... a sick little joke but... I don't care. It's okay."

Sirius just shook his head. "Sev, please don't let him fool and hurt you..I won't let him..." the Gryffindor turned Severus head so he could look him in the eye "I won't let you get hurt anymore..."

Black eyes met brown ones, and they just starred at each other for a while. No word was said, no movement was made. The only thing Severus could feel was the warmth of Sirius body next to his, and his warm breath tickling his skin... Severus couldn't help but breath in Sirius smell, his lovely scent... Slowly, Severus closed his eyes, and leaned forward. He didn't know why, but he just had to kiss Sirius. And luckily, Sirius didn't seem to mind.

Pale lips met light pinkish ones, softly moving against each other. This kiss wasn't anything like the one Severus had with Lucius. This kiss felt... right. So very right. And so... real... so soft... Severus turned around, put his arms around the taller boy's neck, and pressed his body against Sirius'. The Gryffindor quickly put one hand on the Slytherins back, the other on the back of his head, tangling up in the velvety black hair. Both enjoyed the kiss, and didn't want it to end. But soon, they were out of air, and had to separate. Both boys looked at each other for a moment, and then kissed again.

But the moment was to perfect to last forever. It had to end, and it ended so quickly that Severus could have cried.

"Sirius?" a voice called. Sirius immediately broke away from the kiss, looking at Severus in shook.

Severus looked at him, and then to the floor. James was looking for his friend... and seeing him with a Slytherin, and of all Severus... The Gryffindor was going to be in big trouble. Severus didn't think long he just pushed Sirius away, made him stand up quickly and said "take your wand!"

Sirius didn't really understand, but he did what Severus said. "Sev, what are you doing?" he whispered, hearing James calls getting louder. He was getting closer.

"Saving your ass you stupid dog." Severus just whispered. Then he took out his own wand, pointed it at his face, and mumbled a spell.

All Sirius could see was blood all over the Slytherins face. Severus quickly laid down, and through his wand to the side. Now everything looked like Sirius had just beaten him up.

Sirius wanted to say something, but in that moment James walked in.

"Wow Sirius, we haven't even gotten to school" he grinned. "Well, whatever you did I'm sure you won't do it again" James laughed, and took out his wand. "Maybe just one more..."

Sirius wanted to say something, but couldn't. He watched James hurt Severus, wasn't able to move or even open his mouth.

"Let's go Sirius..." James said, looking down at the Slytherin that was barely moving. "We're done here."

Sirius looked at Severus, who was slowly getting back up. The Slytherin looked at him for a few second, and then shook his head, looking away.

"Go." he breathed, as quiet as he could, so that only Sirius could hear him.

Sirius bit his lower lip but then obeyed, and quickly followed James who had already on his way back... leaving Severus behind.

Severus needed a while to get up, and then started cleaning himself up. Lucius didn't come back for the entire ride. Severus changed into his School clothes as they got near to the end of the ride, and sat down on his seat. A lot of the wounds and bruises he was able to heal by himself... but the ones he hadn't been able to heal would have to be healed by Madame Pomfrey.

Severus wasn't mad at Sirius. He had told him not to help him. He had made it look like Sirius had beaten him... he knew that James would beat him up even more. No, Severus wasn't mad... but he was disappointed. He had hoped that Sirius would have helped him... even after he said that he shouldn't. He had trusted the Gryffindor... but it was his own fault. He had told Sirius to go... Severus told himself that Sirius had done the right thing, and that he wasn't hurt... but if he wasn't hurt... why couldn't he stop crying...?

So, I know the end is crap, but I hope you like it anyway See ya around


	9. Chapter 9 Feelings

1Chapter 9

So, here come's chapter 9 Again I want to thank everybody for sticking with me Guy's you are awesome Now, a friend of mine is thinking about drawing the story (Manga stile), and if she does, I'll write down the link here, so you can check it out. But it's still not sure, so don't get your hopes up xD Well, have fun with this chapter

Severus slowly got off of the train, pulling his heavy luggage behind him. James had done a good job. His left arm was at least partially fractured, if not broken. It hung limp at his side, as he tried to ignore the pain it caused him with every step he took. Lucius had turned up shortly before he got off, but didn't notice. He seemed in a hurry... and Severus didn't bother to tell him. Why should he? Lucius had better things to do, and didn't care about a filthy, ugly boy.

"Severus!" a voice called his name, and the Slytherin turned his head in confusion. Neither Sirius nor Lucius had called him... who used his first name...?

"Severus, please wait!" Lily Evans came running after the black haired boy and looked at him. "Is everything okay...? You're walking weird"

Severus was surprised that Lily actually was talking to him again, but he didn't mind. Lily was kind... She wouldn't hurt him. "I... I fell and hurt myself Lily, I'll show it to Madame Pomfrey later."

Lily raised her eye brows and asked "You fell?" Severus nodded. "...I don't believe you Sev. Did somebody pick on you again? Was it Sirius? Or James?" Severus winced as he heard the name of Lily's new boyfriend. "So it was James. That idiot." Lily looked mad. Really mad. Severus couldn't help but grin a little. Potter was going to be in big trouble...

"Here, let me take your suitcase, and you go and see Madame Pomfrey okay?" Severus looked at her and then nodded slowly.

"Thanks Lily" the red head just smiled at him, and then took his suitcase. Severus watched her walk over to James with both of the suitcases. Only a few moments later, James was carrying all three suitcases, while Lily walked of to find her friends. At the sight of James Potter working his as of for his girlfriend, Severus had to laugh.

As James heard a familiar voice laughing, he immediately looked around and find out who was laughing and why. As his eyes caught the young Slytherin, they turned into small slits. "You filthy Slytherin, I'll show you were you belong..." me muttered, and was about to let the suitcases fall, when Sirius laid his hand on his shoulder.

"I'll take care of him. You go ahead, or Lily will be really pissed." he said, looking over to Severus, grinning. On the outside he looked like he was really looking forward to hurt Severus, but on the inside he was praying that James would swallow the bait.

"...Okay, but make sure to beat him up real good okay? Stupid Slytherin..." James walked of with the suitcases, and Sirius breathed in relief.

He quickly walked over to Severus, and said "let's move quickly." Severus sighted and then followed the Gryffindor. Sirius led him to the lake, and looked at him.

"Sev..." he started, and then swallowed. "I'm... I'm so sorry for what happened in the Train. I promise it won't happen again..."

Severus just shook his head and looked to the side "It's okay Sirius... I'm fine. I told you to go. No harm done."

"No harm done? Sev, are you insane?" Sirius looked at Severus, eyes full of sorrow. "Sev, he hurt you... a lot! What's with your arm...? Is it broken?" The Gryffindor softly touched the arm of the Slytherin, that still hung limply at his side. "I'm so, so sorry..."

The Slytherin just sighted, and then smiled "It's really okay Sirius... I'll be just fine." he leaned his head against Sirius shoulder and whispered "I know you'll take care of me."

Sirius sighted, and laid a hand on the head of the Slytherin. "Sev... I..." but Severus interrupted him.

"Don't say anything." he breathed. "Please, just... just hold me... a little." The Slytherin lifted his healthy arm, and put it around Sirius chest. "Just a little while..."

Sirius couldn't help put smile, and hugged Severus carefully. "You are as sweet as sugar sev..." he whispered, and slowly started stroking his hair.

"Shut up... I'm not sweet..." Severus mumbled, taking in all of Sirius he could. His smell, the sound of his voice, the warmth of his body, the softness of his hands...

"Sev..." Sirius swallowed. He felt... weird... his heart was beating really fast, his throat was dry, and he felt nervous and shaky... What was wrong with him...? But... when he thought about it, he always felt like this around the Slytherin. He couldn't help it... he had to think of Sev all the time... how he spoke, how he moved... how his eyes glittered when he was happy, and how his face looked so much younger when he smiled... Severus was always on his mind. He was about to say something when Severus broke from the embrace.

"We should go to the Great Hall, or we'll get in trouble." Severus looked up, right into Sirius face. "Sirius...?" he asked "Everything okay?" Sirius was looking at him in a... very odd way. "Sirius?"

The Gryffindor just said "shh..." and then pressed his lips against Severus'. The kiss was gentle but needing, and even if Sirius had wanted to stop, he couldn't have. This just felt to good.

It took Severus a few seconds to realize what was going on, but when he did, he didn't mind. Sirius was not only a great kisser... this just felt so wonderful so... undescribable... Severus held on to Sirius, moving back into the embrace. Sirius tongue licked over the soft lips of the boy, begging for entrance, which was quickly granted. The mouth of the Slytherin explored carefully, Sirius wanted to memorize everything... When they broke away to get some air, Severus cheeks were all red, and he looked away in embarrassment. But Sirius couldn't hold back for long, and soon he kissed the Slytherin again. He wished the moment would never end, that he could stand here and kiss Severus for ever... Kiss the boy he loved...

"Sirius!" the boys froze. They both quickly broke from the kiss, and starred into the shocked face of Remus Lupin.

"Sirius, what in God's name are you doing?" Remus was pale like a ghost, starring at the two boy's. "What is going on?!"

Sirius just looked at Severus and mumbled "Ups. Busted." Severus couldn't help but smile a little. But the blond Gryffindor didn't think this was funny at all.

"Padfoot, if you don't tell me right now, hell I'm gonna tell James." Sirius took a deep breath, and looked at the Werewolf. Then he looked at Severus.

"...You wanna know what's up Remus?" Sirius asked, smiling at the Slytherin. "I'll tell you." He softly kissed Severus again, and laid his forehead against Severus'. "I love you."

So, I'm gonna end this here, because I'm really tired xD I'll update soon. Hope you liked.


	10. Chapter 10: Liar

1Chapter 10

"...You wanna know what's up Remus?" Sirius asked, smiling at the Slytherin. "I'll tell you." He softly kissed Severus again, and laid his forehead against Severus'. "I love you."

It was quiet for what seemed almost like an eternity to Severus. He couldn't believe his ears. Sirius had just said... Dear Lord, he had to be hallucinating! Sirius just smiled at him, softly kissing his forehead.

"Don't look at me like that Sev... you look like I said something bad." then he looked over to Remus "Remus, I know I can't make you not tell this to James and Peter... but... I would really appreciate it, if you wouldn't."

Remus just looked at Sirius for a while and then said "Sirius, I won't tell anyone. You are my friend, and even if I can't really understand you, you will always be my friend. And if you love Severus, well then I want to get to know him, because he has to be very special."

Severus, who was still shocked, just watched Remus walk off, and looked back at Sirius. "Sirius... uhm... I..."

But Sirius hushed him with another kiss. "You don't have to say it..." he whispered. "Take all the time you need... we don't have to be in a relationship either. I just want to spend more time with you, and show you that what I say is true."

Severus nodded in confusion, not knowing what to do. Sirius seemed to understand that he wasn't able to say anything. So they both just stood there for a little while, and then went back to the castle together. Severus was confused... but despite everything... the confession that Sirius had made, made him feel happier then ever before in his life.

The next days past, and Severus felt more peaceful by the day. He spent a lot of his time with Sirius. Remus covered for them, and Severus grew more and more fond of the blond Gryffindor. Lucius visited him a few times, but didn't do anything more to make Severus feel uncomfortable. Severus wished that it would stay this peaceful forever...

It was a Saturday, and night was falling, as Severus walked along an empty corridor. He had lost his quill somewhere along the way, as he was leaving from the Library. Since it was his favorite quill, he decided to walk back and look for it. Maybe he was lucky and found it.

As he took a turn at the corner of the way, he suddenly froze. //No...// was his only thought. It couldn't be. He was being tricked. Tears filled his eyes as he stood there, watching as Sirius Black, the boy who said he loved him, was pushing a other Gryffindor against the wall, wildly kissing him.

Severus swallowed hard, then turned and quickly walked away. Sirius hadn't even noticed... Severus started running, faster and faster, not caring where his feet would carry him. All he wanted is to get as far away form Sirius as he could. He ran out of the Castel, and finally stopped as he got to the lake. He fell to his knees, shaking and crying.

"Liar!" he screamed into the darkness of the night. "Liar..." Salty Tears fell into the grass, as he laid down, defeated and full of sorrow. "Liar..."

The Slytherin just laid there for a while, and he would have stayed there all night if two strong arms hadn't picked him up, and carried him away. Severus clung to the person, sobbing once in a while.

He was brought back into his room, and carefully laid on the bed.

"Hush my little Snake." Lucius whispered, softly stroking the black hair. "Hush. Do not cry. I will take care of you from now on. I promise." the blond smiled at Severus, and gave Severus a chaste kiss on the fore head. "And know... sleep."

Severus just sniffed, and then nodded, while Lucius softly wiped his tears away. He closed his eyes, and tried to fall asleep, but couldn't. Helplessly, he looked up to Lucius, und smiled a little, and then laid down next to him. The black haired Slytherin immediately snuggled against the strong chest of the older Boy, and closed his eyes again. Under Lucius soft stroking and soothing words, Severus finally fell asleep.

The next morning, Severus woke up to find his bed empty. He slowly sat up, and looked for Lucius. Maybe he had gone...? Somehow it made Severus feel bad. As he looked at the clock he realized that it was early in the morning, so nobody would be awake.

He still couldn't believe what he had seen the night before. The picture of Sirius kissing someone else, only day's after he had told him he loved him seemed to burn into his mind. Severus couldn't stop thinking about it. He was about to cry again, but held the tears back. [iIt's okay[/I he thought to himself //It's just normal... Everybody leaves me... I'll get over it... it's okay...//

Slowly he got up, got some clean clothes and walked to the bathroom. He had to shower...

As he opened the door to the community bath, he was surprised to see that there was already somebody under one of the showers. As he took a closer look, he recognized Lucius. The Slytherin was washing his long hair, back turned to Severus. The Body of the blond was absolute flawless. Severus didn't think he had ever seen such a perfect body. Toned muscles, skin that looked like silk... Severus swallowed hard and was about to leave when Lucius noticed him.

"Good Morning Severus." he smiled, as he turned, now showing Severus everything he had.

Severus blushed violently, and muttered a quick "Good morning" as he turned away to leave.

Lucius chuckled a little and asked "Aren't you going to shower Severus?" of course he knew that Severus was embarrassed, and he loved to play with him a little. "Come, I'll help you undress..."

The blond stepped out of the water, and walked toward Severus, who swallowed hard. Lucius started undressing the black haired boy gently, slipping each peace of clothing off of him carefully, until Severus was only standing there in his Boxers.

Lucius sighted at the look of the scars on Severus arm, and softly stroked the pale arms of the boy. "Take off your Boxer's and shower" he smiled a little at Severus, got a towel and wrapped it around his hips, before leaving the bathroom.

Severus sighted a little, as he watched Lucius walk away. The sight of the scars had probably scared him away... It always did. After people saw his scars, almost all of them ran or got all uncomfortable... if they even cared to talk to him at all. Only one person hadn't been driven away by them...

The black haired Slytherin quickly shook his head, as if he was trying to get the picture out of his head. He buried it deep inside of himself, locking it away with his feelings... Something that Severus had learned to do over the years, and he had become quite good at him. He took off his underwear and through it to the rest of his clothes, stepping into one of the multiple showers in the room.

The hot water ran over his body, soothing some of his pain... but he couldn't stay long. The other Slytherins were waking, at it was time for him to get dressed and leave. Even if they stopped picking on him... he still didn't feel well around them.

He got out of the shower, dried himself with a towel and got dressed. With a quick swing of his wand, his hair was dry, and he was ready to go. He walked out of the dungeons, on his way to the library as the one person he really didn't want to see walked right into his arms.

"Sev!" Sirius smiled, and waved at him. "What's up? You wanna hang out?"

Severus bit his lip. Should he say something...? Or should he just let it pass...? But he couldn't stop thinking about Sirius kissing that boy, touching him... It broke his heart.

So all he said was "No." and quickly passed by him.

Sirius blinked twice, as Severus just passed him by, not even greeting him. He quickly ran after him, and started walking next to him "What? Why? What's wrong?"

Suddenly, Severus couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he was going to explode. "...You want to know what's wrong?" he asked quietly, looking at Sirius with the coldest eyes he had ever had.

"Yeah, of course Sev." Sirius said, looking at him with a riddled face. "You know I'm always there for you."

Severus flinched. "...I saw you." he whispered under his breath, not looking at Sirius anymore. "...I saw you with him."

Sirius swallowed and said "Severus I... It wasn't what you think, I can explain."

"Save it!" Severus hissed. "You are a liar Sirius Black. I was a fool to trust you. You bloody Gryffindor's..." he boy shook his head "How did I ever believe you...?" and with that he walked away.

But of course, Sirius didn't let go so fast. Again he followed Severus and said "Come on Sev, please... Let me explain! Let's talk about this!"

Severus gripped his wand and turned around to Sirius once more. "I. said. save. it." he growled. "I don't want to talk to you!"

Just as Sirius was about to say something, Lucius walked up to Severus, and gently took his hand.

"Come my love. Let us leave." Lucius grinned at the Gryffindor. "We shall not argue with a dog." and with that he pulled Severus with him.

Sirius couldn't believe his eyes. He was going to have to do something... something, that would make Severus forgive him. And so he started planning...

So, this is the end of chapter 10 Sorry it's so short and stuff, but my final exams are coming up, so I'm going to have to take a break from writing for a while. I hope you enjoyed it.


	11. Chapter 11: Cold

1So I thought I'd write again 33 hope you enjoy

Chapter 11

"Even the worst pain fades with time."

Severus Snape couldn't remember where he had read this sentence, but whoever had written it, was a total Jack ass. He had clearly never felt the pain of a broken heart. That Pain that slowly ripped up everything inside, the pain that killed... the sweetest pain of all.

"Sev, you are daydreaming again." Lucius looked at his friend, sighting. Since Sirius had... 'cheated' on him, Sev was not the same. He was even quieter than normally... colder, and... even more hopeless then the blond had ever seen him. As if a Dementor had come and sucked all the happiness out of the boy. "Please concentrate..."

Severus sighted, and looked back at Lucius. "Sorry... I don't think I can study any more today..."

"Sev... you haven't studied at all... just stared at the same page for about an hour." Lucius sighted again, softly touching the shoulder of the boy. "...You sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine..." Severus muttered, slowly standing up, letting his book slip into his bag "I... I just need time I guess." and with that, the black haired boy left, two greyish - blue eyes following him until the disappeared out of sight.

Severus didn't know where exactly he was going, and didn't really care. All he wanted was to be alone, to cradle himself in darkness and silence... in safety. No more loud voices, no more worries... no more pain. He felt worse and worse every day, not able to pull himself out of the deep hole he was caught in. Anna hadn't showed up again... Probably figured that he would be fine now. Well, she was wrong. He was nothing near fine...

As he looked up, he found himself at the lake, right under the tree where he always sat when it was summer and he didn't want to study in the library. In winter, it was to cold but... right now it seemed just right. Nobody would look for him here... if anyone was looking for him at all. Slowly, Severus sat down and looked at the lake. The top of the lake was frozen... It was still January, so that was normal... but the ice seemed thinner somehow... probably Global Warming. Severus didn't really care. All he cared about was the wonderful peace that he felt whenever he was here...

Even though it had snowed the night before, there was almost no snow left on the ground. Thanks again to Global Warming. Severus had always enjoyed the snow. How it melted in his hand... and how it stung... a soft, sweet pain... almost like cutting. Severus sighted. He was never going to be able to forget the sweetness of the pain that he caused himself... It would always be there and he would always, always remember it... love it.

Growing tired of thinking, Severus closed his eyes, leaning back against the tree. All he wanted to do was to listen to the silence and forget everything and everyone around him...

As Severus woke again, it had grown dark. The Moon and the Stars were shining bright, not one cloud crossed the dark blue sky. It was cold, but the Slytherin didn't mind. The wind felt good against his face, making it numb... He had totally forgotten how good it felt to just... be numb. Just let the pain wash over him, making him feel alive, better... Happy.

Severus got up, not really realizing what he did. He just did it. He wanted to feel good again, wanted to forget and stop the pain. His feet slowly carried him to the edge of the Lake. The Ice was thin... One step after the other, he walked onto the ice, going further and further... There had to be a weak spot.

And Severus found it. With a huge splash he fell into the icy water after the ice had given in under his weight. He didn't struggle to get back to the surface. He sank, and he was happy. The cold spread all over his body, numbing everything inside him.

He was just about to close his eyes, and get ready to die, when someone grabbed the back of his collar and pulled him out.

"Are you INSANE?!" Sirius screamed as he took off his jacket, laying it over Severus. "What the HELL were you doing??!"

"Dying." Severus just answered, looking at Sirius with absolute cold eyes.

"Why would you want to die Sev? Why?" Sirius whispered. "I thought you were okay now..."

"You cheated on me."

"It was just a fling."

"I don't care."

"I love you..." Sirius mumbled. "I love you so much... please, Sev..." tears were welling up in the Gryffindor's eyes. "Don't do this again..."

Severus looked at Sirius, sighting, shaking... it was so cold... "Okay... now bring me inside before I freeze to death..."

Quickly picking Severus up, Sirius carried him inside and brought him to Madam Pomfrey who just shook her head. Severus was dried, warmed, and laid into a bed in the Hospital Wing.

Soon he fell asleep, while Sirius sat next to his bed, holding his hand, praying... that he would never have to be so scared again in his life.

Okay, it's short and crap, but it's the best I can do for now sorry


	12. Chapter 12

1So, after a long pause, I'm back again with a new chapter. I hope you'll like it.

But before, I would like to share a poem with you, that I took a liking to.

"For beauty is nothing

but the beginning of terror we can just

barley endure,

and we admire it so because it calmly disdains

to destroy us"

– Rainer Maria Rilke,

"The First Elegy"

Now, enjoy.

Severus sat in front of a pile of books, staring at the blank page of paper in front of him. Days had passed since he had been released from the Hospital wing, and he still had a hell of a lot homework to do. Not even with Lucius help had he been able to get everything done. Severus sighted. He had no motivation at all.

Slowly, his eyes wandered to the clock that hung from the door. It made a dull ticking sound, that almost drove him insane. He hated old clocks. Still he looked at it long enough to realize, that it was time for him to stop writing, and go back to the common room. It was already 10 p.m.

Quickly shoving everything into his back, he made his way through the castle, down to the Slytherin common room. Everything was quiet... at this time, most of the students were in bed already, exhausted and tried of the day.

Severus was very surprised to find someone sitting in front of the fire in one of the old, green armchair.

"Severus." a smooth voice called his name, making the Slytherin shiver.

"Lucius." he answered, feeling rather insecure. "What are you doing up? It is late." Severus watched Lucius get up with a fluent movement, and then turning to him.

"Come Severus." he said, smiling softly at him. "We must talk, I fear." he held out his hand for the black haired boy.

Feeling even more insecure, Severus took the hand, that Lucius had stretched out for him. The blond sat back down, pulling Severus onto his lap. "What do you want to talk about, Lucius?" Severus asked, looking into the brilliant blue eyes of Lucius. Still, after all this time, he couldn't get over how beautiful Lucius was.

"Ah, Severus, I think you know." Lucius smiled, and softly stroked his hair. "We have been dancing around for a long time now." Severus gulped.

"Don't look so scared, Severus." Lucius whispered, touching his lips with soft fingers. "Won't you be my boyfriend, my little snake? I love you. And I know you like me too." he smiled at him with that gorgeous and at the same time deadly smile. Again, Severus gulped.

"Lucius I... I don't know what to say." he whispered. "I... I really need to think about it." Quickly he got up. He didn't want to look at Lucius. He didn't want to think about the offer he had made. All he wanted to do was go to bed.

Lucius watched as he almost jumped of his lap, and then smiled again. "Of course Severus. It has been a long day for you. Good night." he walked over to his room, not looking back. Severus was somehow thankful that he didn't.

Severus slipped into his room, got undresses quickly, and cuddled into his bed. Then he let out a sigh. Why did Lucius mess him up so bad? He loved Sirius... Sirius... Severus took a deep breath. He hadn't seen the Gryffindor for two days now... what was he up to? Severus swallowed hard. Was he doing another boy again? Like he had before... Severus couldn't even bring the sentence to the end in his head.

Another sight escaped his lips, as he curled together in his bed. He had to stop thinking so bad of the boy... but he still couldn't get the picture out of his head.

Suddenly, something hit his face. Surprised he opened his eyes and looked up. There was a piece of paper lying on his blanket. He picked it up, and read:

"Meet me outside. Hurry, and dress warmly.

Sirius."

Confused, Severus got up, and got dressed. He sneaked out of the common room and out of the castle. He prayed that he wouldn't get caught. He walked through the main door, and there Sirius was, waiting.

He gently took the hand of the Slytherin, and said "I'm so happy you came. Come on..." he quickly pulled him with him, smiling. "I've got a surprise for you."

Severus just nodded. He didn't really know what Sirius was up to, but he didn't care. Sirius was with him, holding his hand so softly. Severus could feel the heat of the Gryffindor's hand, slowly creeping into his hand.

"Sirius, where are you taking me?" Severus asked, and smiled softly. "It's cold..."

"I know, that's why I said, dress warmly, stupid." Sirius laughed. "We're almost there." Sirius suddenly stopped. "Now, close your eyes."

The Slytherin just shook his head, smiling, and then closed his eyes. "This better be worth it Sirius..." Severus said. But he didn't sound upset, rather happy... he was so happy he was with Sirius again.

"It is. Just trust me." Sirius lead Severus a little while more, and then stopped. "Open your eyes." he breathed into his ear.

Severus opened his eyes and stared right at...

Tbc...

Here I gotta stop, because it's late and I've got school tomorrow. And of course, because I want to keep you guys reading. *smile* I'll see you around.


	13. Chapter 13

1"It is. Just trust me." Sirius lead Severus a little while more, and then stopped. "Open your eyes." he breathed into his ear.

Severus opened his eyes and stared right at...

About a hundred candles, surrounding a green blanket, with silver pillows on it. The candles were a dark green color, that kind of green, that Severus adored. The pillows and blanket were covered in dark red rose petals making the sight just a little more romantic.

"Sirius..." Severus said, speechless. He couldn't believe what he saw in front of him.

"Don't say anything." Sirius just said, and softly pulled the Slytherin after himself, seating himself and Severus on the blanket. "I've got a surprise for you~ check out the sky though, first. It's time..."

Curious, Severus looked at Sirius and asked "What kind of surprise?"

"Don't be so nosy." Sirius grinned, and look at him. "Come on, now look at the sky! Or you'll miss it!"

So, the black-haired boy looked into the sky. And there it was, passing by... the most beautiful shooting star Severus had ever seen. But not only one, no, two or three of them appeared in the sky, and were gone only seconds later.

"...Did you make a wish?" Sirius asked, laying his arm around Sev's shoulder.

"...Yeah." he answered, and slightly leaned into the embrace. "Did you?"

"Sure as hell." Sirius answered, and looked as Severus, before kissing him on the cheek. "Okay, now... how about you get that surprise hm?"

Blushing, Severus shot Sirius a glance and then nodded. He was sure, that if he looked at Sirius now, he would fall even harder for him.

Severus heard a rustling of cloths, and then Sirius asked "Aren't you going to look at me, Severus?"

A little hesitant, Severus turned his head, and looked as Sirius. And just as he had thought, he felt himself falling in love with Sirius even more. Why had he looked at him...? He was so stupid.

"Okay, before I give you this..." Sirius said, "I want to tell you again, how sorry I am Severus. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, and I'm never, ever going to do that again. I love you Sev. Nothing is going to change that."

Every word made Severus blush more, made him feel a little bit more uncomfortable... but in a strange and... good way. "It's okay Sirius. I... I believe you." If he had to tell the truth, the fact that Sirius had actually set all this up had made it okay again.

"Okay... so, I really want you to have this okay?" he smiled a little, and held out a little box to the Slytherin. "Please take it, and keep it safe."

Severus took the box, carefully, softly... he didn't want to break whatever it was. Taking another look at Sirius, he opened it, and was so surprised, he almost dropped it.

"Sirius you can't give me this, you just can't!" Severus breathed, looking down at the heart-shaped, green diamond, the size of his palm. "You... you can't get married without this! It's Black-tradition!"

Sirius just smiled, and said "...Sev, you're getting this all wrong. Think about it again."

Severus looked down at the diamond, and then up at Sirius again. "No way." he breathed, closing the box. "Noo Sirius, this isn't right. This can't be good. Sirius, you aren't serious!"

But Sirius just smiled, took one of Severus hand and said. "Severus Snape, you are... the most beautiful... incredible... undescribable person I have ever met in my life. I love you so much it hurts just breathing without you here with me."

"Sirius stop..." Severus whispered, not believing his ears "Please Sirius.."

"I don't want to be without you." Sirius continued. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Sirius!" Severus said, turning away his head. This couldn't be happening...

"Please take the heart, that is given to every black to give to the person he loves. Take this as a promise that I will marry you one day Severus. I beg of you." Sirius softly made Severus look at him again.

Severus starred at Sirius for a few minutes, then looked at the box in his hands.

"I beg of you Sev." Sirius repeated. "Be my fiancee."

"...okay." Severus whispered, gripping Sirius' hand tightly. "Okay..."

Overjoyed with glee, Sirius hugged Severus tightly, kissing him passionate and fiercely.

"Severus?" a voice called, so familiar, it made Severus freeze.

Sirius immediately let go of Severus, looking up totally confused.

Severus looked up, and starred straight into the face of...

[b]So here I stop again, hope you enjoyed the chapter ^.~ see ya around [/b]


	14. Chapter 14

1So guys, I'm back with another chapter. Sorry it took so long, but I have almost no time to write. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

"Severus?" a voice called, so familiar, it made Severus freeze.

Sirius immediately let go of Severus, looking up totally confused.

Severus looked up, and starred straight into the face of...

... Lucius Malfoy. The blond Slytherin look at both of them in shock, not knowing what to do or say.

Frightened Severus looked at Lucius, but he didn't have much time to stare. Sirius pulled him behind himself, shielding Severus with his body. Nobody was going to hurt his finance, he was going to make sure of that.

Lucius took another few seconds, blinked twice, and then finally seemed able to comprehend the situation. "... A GRYFFINDOR?!" he burst out.

Severus flinched, trying to push Sirius aside so he could talk so Lucius. But Sirius didn't bug, growling deep in his throat.

"Stop yelling at him you stupid dick!" he spat out, aggravating Lucius even more.

"Sirius!" Sev whispered, close to his ear, trying to handle everything. "Please don't upset him any more!" He knew how brutal Lucius could get when he got mad. And he knew that Lucius would probably get away with it, if he hurt Sirius. After all the Malfoy Family was one of the most important in the whole Wizard world.

But it was too late. Lucius took out his wand, mumbling something under his breath. A bolt of red light shoot out of his wand, hitting Sirius in the side.

A loud scream, and Sirius was down on his knees, holding his side. Only seconds later his hand and his clothes were soaked in blood.

Horrified Severus watched as Sirius went down, starred at the blood. His whole body started to shake.

Lucius just stood there, looking down at Sirius with nothing but hate and mischievousness in his eyes. "Maybe that will teach you to stay away from my property." he hissed, looking back at Severus. He didn't notice that Severus had now pulled out his wand.

"Sectusempra." the black haired boy whispered. "Sectusempra. Sectusempra." Again and again Severus whispered the words, not really aiming.

He hit Lucius arm, his side, his leg... he didn't care. All he wanted to do was hurt the Man that had hurt the love of his life.

Slowly, he moved his wand bearing hand over his head, taking a deep breath "Avada....!"

"Severus STOP!" Sirius was holding on to his robes, pulling Severus down. "Don't do it..." he whispered, tenderly kissing him while blood ran out of his mouth. "I'm okay. But you need to get some help for me okay? I need some help."

Severus looked down at Sirius, letting his Wand fall to the floor, kneeled next to Sirius and wrapped his arms around him.

"Don't die!" he cried. "Don't die! Sirius don't die! Don't leave me here!"

Sirius coughed, slowly touching Severus cheek. "I won't die love. I promise I won't leave you. Please don't cry. Severus... look at me. I won't die. Just get help okay Sev? Get help for me and Malfoy."

Malfoy. Severus had totally forgotten that Bastard. Quickly, he scooped up Sirius in his arms and took a quick look at Lucius. He war in bad shape, but he would be okay. With a wave of his wand Lucius was floating in the air.

As fast as he could he brought them to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey almost fainted at the sight of both, but quickly took care of the boys.

Severus still cried, watching as she vetted Sirius wounds. He didn't care about Lucius. All he wanted was that Sirius would be okay.

As soon as she was done, Severus sat next so Sirius who was sound asleep, and held on to his hand.

It didn't matter how often anybody tried to pull him away that night. Severus didn't move, didn't leave Sirius side. He just held his hand. Hoping. Praying that somehow he would be all right.


	15. Chapter 15

1Severus sat in the Library, starring out of the window. His hands were bandaged, and so was his right leg. Bruises covered his body, and his lip was cut.

The day after Severus had brought Sirius to the Hospital Wing, James had gone mad. He had beat up Severus worse then ever before. He had broken his bones, and hurt him so much, that Severus had lost consciousness. But Severus truly didn't mind. He had deserved every little bit of it. James was right. It was all his fault.

Now, a week later, Sirius had been released. The boy had fully recovered, and was as healthy as before. Severus hadn't visited him after the first night. Not that James had let him, but even if he could have, he probably wouldn't have.

_It's better the way it is now._ Severus thought to himself. _This way, he won't be hurt anymore because of me. My father was so right. Everything I touch breaks. I can't do anything right. I can't even protect the man I love._

Slowly Severus got up, walking to the window, watching as a few students walked over to the see. The sun was shining, but it felt as if it was laughing at him, making fun of his sorrow.

_Don't be ridicules. Who would care enough about you to make fun of you?_ Severus smiled slightly at the thought. Things had all been better as Sirius had still made his life hell. At least Sirius had been safe.

That night, Severus had made a decision. He was going to stay away from Sirius, run from him and hide. If he wasn't around him, he wouldn't be hurt. It was as simple as that. The Slytherin knew that Sirius was probably looking for him right now, and would end up searching here as well. Severus still couldn't decide if he wanted to tell Sirius what he was planning or just run.

_If I don't say anything at all, he would probably be really mad and forget all about me. _Severus thought, staring at the See. _It would be the right thing to do. This way, he would think the worst of me, and he could move on._

Severus took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds. _But I'm not selfless. And I'm not going to do the right thing. I want him to remember me as something good. I want him to look back, and feel something pleasant. _If there was anything pleasant to remember, after Lucius had beat the shit out of him.

"Severus?" a voice called. It made Severus smile. The Gryffindor really knew him.

"I'm over here, Sirius." Severus called, turning around so he could face Sirius.

The black-haired boy quickly walked over, looking at his injuries as if he felt the same pain, and carefully hugged him. "I'm sorry he hurt you love." he whispered, softly stroking the back of his lover. "I'm sorry he wouldn't let you see me."

Severus shook his head, softly pushing Sirius away from him. "No Sirius, it's okay. I deserved this. Every part of this. And before you start talking, I want to say something."

Sirius looked at him confused but then nodded "Okay... shoot."

Severus swallowed hard, and nodded. He had to do this. He just had to. _Be strong. You are doing this for him, remember? You have to do this. Or he will be hurt again. And that's the last thing that should happen. _

"Sirius..." he started, swallowing again. His whole body was shaking, his voice broke.

"Sev, honey, are you okay...?" Sirius asked, gently taking one of the Slytherins hands, stroking it.

It brought tears to Severus eyes. He didn't want to leave Sirius. But he had to.

"Yes, Sirius. I am fine." he replied, taking a deep breath. "...Sirius, I can't keep seeing you."

Sirius expression was pure shock. "...What?"

"I can't see you anymore." Severus said, forcing himself to bring out the words. "It's just too dangerous."

"Sev, this isn't funny. Stop it." Sirius whispered, looking at Severus with begging eyes. He had to be joking. He just had to.

"I'm not trying to be funny." Severus whispered. "Because of me you were hurt. I can't take that Sirius. I... I love you to much to but you in such danger."

"Severus, what are you saying?!" Sirius asked, his voice now angry. "So Malfoy is a loon, and snapped. It doesn't mean that I'm in danger only because I'm around you! It has nothing to do with you!"

"Oh, it had nothing to do with me?" Severus asked upset, while tears welled up in his eyes. "If I hadn't been going out with you, if you hadn't been with me that night... Lucius wouldn't have hurt you at all! You would have been safe!"

"If I hadn't been going out with you, I would have never learned about true love." Sirius said. "I would bare any pain if it meant being with you Severus! You are the love of my **life**, don't you get that?!"

"I can't be!" Severus said, desperately holding back the tears that threatened to run over his cheeks. "I can't be the love of your life, and I can't marry you! Sirius, I'm going to be the end of you!"

"It will be my end if you leave me." Sirius voice was soft, his expression calm. "If you leave me Severus, I will die. I couldn't take the heartbreak."

"I'm sorry Sirius." Severus whispered. He couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They ran down his cheek, falling to the floor. "It just can't be."

"I won't give up." Sirius said, softly wiping a tear from his face. "I won't let you go Severus."

"You _**have **_to." Severus pleaded, pushing Sirius hand away. "This is not the time for you stupid Gryffindor pride or anything like that! Sirius, Lucius could have _killed _you, don't you understand? How can you be so stubborn? So suicidal?!"

Sirius just shook his head. "This isn't about Gryffindor pride Severus. This is about holding on to what I love. I'm not going to let you go."

Severus shook his head, not looking at Sirius. The other boy had gone mad. How was he going to keep him away from himself? If Sirius went on like this, he was going to forget all about not being with him and rush into his arms, and never let him go again.

"Look at me Severus." Sirius said. "I will not let you go. We will marry. And you will stay with me forever."

Severus couldn't stand it anymore. He had to leave. "It was never supposed to be Sirius." he breathed, rushing by Sirius as fast as he could. Sirius turned, watching him, and called "I won't let you go." But he let Severus go. He knew that the Slytherin needed time to think about everything.

Severus ran straight to the Slytherin common room, throwing himself on his bed. Everything was so messed up. It had all gone wrong.

_I'm never going to survive this. _Severus thought, starring at the ceiling.

The door opened, and Severus sat up. And as he saw who was standing in the room, he almost forgot to breath.

"_**Lucius**_?" he asked, unbelieving. "**What** are you doing here?!"

"Please Severus, don't be upset." the blond said, slowly walking toward him. "I want to talk to you."

"Not be upset?" Severus snapped, quickly getting up from the bed. "Have you lost your mind?! You almost killed my boyfriend!"

"And I will succeed the next time if you don't sit down and closely listen." Lucius said, his voice as cool as always. Severus couldn't believe his ears.

"I mean it Severus. Sit down next to me." Lucius sat on the bed, waiting for Severus.

_This can't be true._ How often had the thought this in the past few days? Way to much. But he started walking, and slowly sat down next to Severus.

"Now, my little snake." Lucius said, softly petting his head as if Severus was some kind of pet. "You know I like you. And I want you. As long as nobody else could have you, it was tolerable for me not being with you. But the situation has changed."

Severus swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling very dry. Was this really happening?

"I can't let that _Gryffindor _have you. There is just no way I. So, I thought about it." Lucius took on streak of the black hair into his hands, playing with it. "Severus Snape, if you want Sirius Black to live, you will become my pet. You will do _anything_ I tell you to do, _whenever _I want you to do it. This is the only way you can ensure Black's safety."

"... You got to be kidding." Severus said. "You just **got** to be kidding."

"I am not kidding at all, my little pet." Lucius answered, smiling at him like he had said nothing wrong. "Will you agree to this?"

Severus stared at Lucius. He was really being serious. _He has to be out of his mind. Did I injure his head?_ _On the other hand, I really think he would do it. He would really kill Sirius. _

Severus closed his eyes, biting his lower lip, and then asked "You promise that Sirius is safe? From you and anyone else?"

"He will be safe." Lucius answered.

"And he will not be harmed by a poison or anything? You _**promise **_that nothing will happen to him?"

"Nothing." Lucius repeated, smiling softly at Severus. "Do you agree?"

Severus didn't answer for a few minutes, just looking at the man he used to adore. Then, he had made a decision.

He took a few deep breaths, swallowed hard and then answered "...I agree_._"


	16. Chapter 16

1Days had passed since Lucius had made Severus his. The raven-haired boy still couldn't believe what he had been forced to, couldn't believe something that seemed to be so unreal.

But he had to. Because it was very, very real.

Lucius was possessive, jealous and strict. Whatever he said had to be done exactly the way he wanted it to be done and when he wanted it to be done.

The blond always kept a close eye on Severus, controlling him every second of the day. He wouldn't even let him eat when he wanted, or study. Everything Severus did was adjusted to fit Lucius wishes.

Lucius told him what to wear, what to eat, what to do in his free-time, who he could talk and hang out with and even checked his mail. Nothing, not even the smallest things, got through to Severus without it being checked.

Severus felt like a prisoner in Azkaban.

The worst of all was that he had to stay away from Sirius. The Gryffindor couldn't even talk to him. Lucius was always there. Always watching.

He kept his promise not to harm Sirius, but whenever he got near Severus, Lucius would punish the younger Slytherin later, scolding him as if he were an animal whenever he did.

_Don't forget that you are my pet Severus. _he then said, looking at the boy with cold, grey eyes. _You are mine. And when you displease me, then you will be punished._

But aside from the controlling and the punishments, he treated Severus well. He was nice, or as nice as a Malfoy could be, and treated him with respect. He bought him expensive gifts and took him on trips on the weekends.

Severus was kept in a gilded cage.

"Severus." the demanding voice of Lucius woe him from his thought. "Are you listening?"

"Yes. I am listening." Severus replied, not meeting Lucius gaze. He was, of course, not.

Lucius always talked about three things.

Himself, money, and clothes. But mainly about himself and everything that had to do with him.

It was annoying, and Severus would have loved to tell Lucius to shut up. But if he did, then Lucius would get very angry. And it was always a bad idea to make him mad.

"Anyway." Lucius continued, obviously satisfied with the answer he had gotten. "He wants to meet you. He says you have great potential, and that he would be very pleased if you joined."

Immediately, Severus lifted his head and starred at Lucius.

The older boy had joined some kind of movement a few months ago, and had meetings once in a while. He had never taken Severus.

The black-haired boy knew the basic of the group. Pure-blooded wizards that wanted to get rid of muggle-borns and squibs.

An old idea, that many pure-bloods had followed over the time, but never had they succeeded. In the beginning, Severus really didn't care.

But then, things started to get serious. Lucius had even tattooed his arm with a mark, and hurried to his master whenever he called. Some nights he just disappeared, and the next day there were horrible articles about muggle-born or squibs being tortured and killed.

Slowly, Severus got scared. But he didn't want to believe it, pushed it away. Lucius was arrogant and in love with pure-bloods. But he wasn't a murderer.

"He... he wants to meet me? Why?" he asked insecure. Whenever he asked t much, Lucius got annoyed.

"Because he said your brewing talents might be of help." Lucius said, looking at Severus. "So, I am going to take you to him tonight. If you are lucky, he might let you join."

Severus didn't want to join. Absolutely not. He didn't like the idea of being the pet of two people, most of all with one of them being some sort of dark wizard. But when he looked into Lucius eye's, he knew he didn't have a choice.

"He made you a generous offer." Lucius said, playing with a strand of the black hair. "Not everyone can join. You better be thankful and be on your best behavior. If all works according to plan, we both could benefit from this."

There it was. Severus twisted his lips into a bitter grin. It was going to help Lucius if he made a good impression.

"I will be." was all Severus answered. "But we should go back to the common room. The library is closing soon."

"Ah, you are right my little snake. Come. We still have _things_ to do."

Severus knew by the way that Lucius pronounced the word what thing he wanted to do. It was always the one thing.

"Yes Lucius." was all he could answer, as he followed the blond out of the library. What else could he have done?

_Nothing._ Severus thought. _There is nothing I can do._

**Three months later**

"Severus, if you don't hurry up we are going to be late." Lucius said, impatiently looking at his clock. "The Dark Lord won't be pleased."

"I'll be there in a second." Severus said, staring into the mirror. He had locked himself in the bathroom two hours before they had to go to another meeting with the Dark Lord, frightened out of his mind.

Three months ago, he had been forced to become a member of the group and accept the dark mark. There had been no way out for the Slytherin. It was either refusing, and being killed or accepting and live.

Severus had chosen life.

"Severus! Get out here this instant!" Lucius voice was barely loud enough for Severus to hear it. He was walking on thin ice. It was time to go.

He opened the door, and Lucius started walking. The tall blond was almost to fast for Severus to keep up, the long legs allowing Malfoy to move quicker.

They walked out of the castle, and onto the grounds, toward the forest. Once they were in there, the Dark Lord would open the barriers that were placed around Hogwarts so they could get to him. Severus always wondered how he did it.

The Dark Lord was a truly powerful wizard, and the death-eaters loved him just as much as they feared him. Severus didn't love him at all. All he felt was fear.

They were about to reach the forest, when a voice called his name.

"SEVERUS!" Sirius yelled, running towards them. Lucius gave a small hiss, but couldn't just walk away. If he did, Black might get suspicious. And the last thing he wanted was for that dog to snoop around.

"Sirius... what...?" Severus said, panic rising inside him. "Why are you here?"

"Are you one of them?" Sirius asked. His voice was filled with rage and fear. "_**Are you?!**_"

"One of who Sirius?" Severus asked, trying to keep his cool. If he started a scene here, he would pay for it greatly later.

"Death eaters!" Siris spat out, staring at Lucius full of hate. "Are you?!"

"How..." Lucius asked, but was quickly interrupted.

"Have you forgotten that I'm a god dam pure-blood to Malfoy?! My whole family wants me to join the fucking Dark Lord!"

"Don't talk about him like that!" Lucius hand started reaching for his wand. "Don't you dare talk about him like that!"

"I could give a fuck Malfoy! Just shut up for once in your life and let us talk!"

Sirius looked back at Severus.

"Look, I know why you are staying away from me, and it's stupid. But I can accept that kind of stupidity because you're doing it out of love." Sirius gently caressed Severus cheek with his hand. "You're doing it because you love me. And I love you. I hoped that once school was over you would come back if I tried to make you mine again. And that was okay."

"Black you-" Lucius started again.

"Shut it Malfoy or do you want me to tell Narzissa that her oh-so-great Fiancee is gay?!" That shut Malfoy up. At least for now.

"I accepted that stupidity. What I _cannot _and will not accept is you in this group. Tell me you didn't join Severus." Sirius whispered. "Tell me you didn't do something that stupid."

Severus just stared. Sirius knew nothing. He didn't know that he was being forced to stay away from him, forced to hang out with Lucius. Forced to become a death eater.

"Answer me!" Sirius barked, grabbing Severus arm and pulling up the fabric.

"No!" Severus cried out, trying to push the sleeve back down. "Sirius don't!"

But it was too late.

Sirius was staring at the dark mark, tattooed on his arm. Slowly he let go.

"Sirius wait...!" Severus whispered, reaching out to touch Sirius who was backing away slowly.

"Don't touch me." he said. "Don't ever touch me again."

"Sirius-"

"**NO!**" Sirius yelled. "You're sick! How could you do this Snape?! How?! Don't you get what they're trying to do?!"

"Sirius, please..."

"Don't call me that _Snivellus_." Sirius breathed, growling at him. "I'm done with you. I can't believe you did this."

"Si-"

"Die Snivellus. You don't deserve better." Sirius spat, and then turned on his heel, running back toward the castle.

"Sirius..." Severus whimpered. He couldn't believe it. But it had happened.

Sirius had left him. Forever.

"Severus. Come." Lucius said, grabbing Severus by the arm and pulling him to the forest. "We are late."

Severus couldn't stop staring at the castle, where Sirius had disappeared into. It just couldn't be true. But it was.

It was all _over_.

**The end.**

I know a lot of you aren't happy with this ending, but I want to end it this way. I'm sorry for everyone I disappoint.

But!

I'm not going to leave it this way. I will write another story, based on this one. I will upload the first chapter as soon as possible. I'd be more then happy if you checked it out.

It will be called _Distant Memory's _or _Sunrise_. I'm not sure yet. That's why I will let you decide.

Write me a comment or a message with the name you like best, and in the end the name that was liked the most will be the name of the story.

I hope I'll see you around soon.


End file.
